Kissing is taking off clothes?
What the hell is Samantha talking about? Did he sleep with her? Is that why she is here? To rub the act in my face. To show she still controls him? What the hell. I feel my hands start to shake. Shit. I don’t need my anger ruining things right now. Kachiza has been lying to me all this time. For months!! He lied about almost everything. He has been chatting with Samantha for so long, does that mean every time he got angry or he was sad it was because of her. He lied to me about everything he was doing. And Samantha knew this when she came to the engagement party. Thats why she reminded about their past so that I could see it was still alive in the present. But of the future? I need to know the truth, all of it before I lose it.
“Finish it. Tell me everything!!” I shout
He looks at me and his shoulders slump. He knows he has to open up and tell me everything he has been up to. I want to know more about their meetings and kissing. How is this possible that this man, a man I love so much can do this to me. I was with him through it all. Each and every time I held his hand, I nursed him, I loved him, I opened up to him and yet no it wasn’t enough for him. Zambian men? Trash che.
“We kissed and I left her each time. Nothing else happened.” He responds.
“Each time. Each time you saw her?”
“Are you lying to me Kachiza?”
“Gemima I am telling the truth.”
I look at him and shake my head. How am I supposed to trust him now?
“Oh please.” Samantha says. “He cheated on you with me. Let me tell you the truth. We kissed. We did more each time. You know what stopped us last time? You. You called him while we were naked, me on top of course. In that nice car he sees so fit to drive you around in.”
“Just shut up Samantha.” Kachiza responds.
“Why should I? You surely didn’t think you were so smart as to use two women and think you go run to the church and get married. I will sort you both out.”
Both? What did I do to her? She is crazy. I look at Samantha then Kachiza, crazy and her ex man in my mother’s home making noise and breaking my heart. I hate them both. I want them dead. I want them gone. Kachiza holds my shoulders and touches my face.
“Baby listen nothing happened. It ended on kissing.” He says.
“And I’m supposed to believe you? You kissed the woman you dated once. Who aborted your baby?” I respond
“Gemima nothing happened. A simple kiss which has been exaggerated. She seems to think we are still meant for each other. I told her it was a mistake but obviously she wanted to tell you first.”
“Beacuse you played us both right?” I ask. “Don’t touch me. Get your hands off me.”
“No. I am not letting you go.” He says
“He’s holding you the same way he held me. Right before he kissed me.” Samantha says. “Isn’t that right Kachiza. You love me too. Maybe more than you love her.”
“Samantha I am warning you.” Kachiza responds.
“So wait… Wait.” I start. “That’s why you sent me that stupid text? To show me what a cheater Kachiza is?” I ask Samantha.
“Well you needed to know mami otherwise you would be marrying a man who is still thinking about me. Literally. He wants me”
“Gemima. Listen.” Kachiza says. “I needed closure maybe. I needed to be sure about everything baby.”
“So that’s why you were chatting with her. But you made her come here. You made time for her, you picked her up. And you saw it fit to see her at O’Hagans too?” I ask. “I don’t understand. What did you want?”
“It was to explain. To talk. So that she understood I love you Gemima.”
“Really. And yet saw her again? After the engagement party right?”
He nods. What the hell has he been up to? What the hell is going on?
“I saw her last night. I wasn’t alone. I was with the guys. Nothing happened. I wanted to tell her that I didn’t want her coming to the wedding. That there was nothing between us.”
“Liar!! Kachiza. Buffi. Liar. Ahh these men. You are digging your own grave my man. Tell the truth. What happened after we left O’Hagans together? Did we not make out till she called. You keep twisting the truth to confuse her. Lets be honest.” Samantha yells.
“What the hell happened? Kachiza tell me the truth.” I say slowly.
I steel my heart for the truth, the impact of pain that the love of my life will subject me too. I must be strong.
“I was with her and the guys. I left with her. Something happened in the car. But it didn’t go any further. No. I made sure of it. So I told her I loved you. That I love you. That I can’t lose you. Gemima you are my life.”
“You needed to tell her all that in person? Phones work Kachiza. You couldn’t block her? That actually works.”
“I did. I went as far as not using one of my numbers. But gosh Gemima. You know how Samantha can get.”
“No. I don’t. I don’t even know how you let it go that far. Who kissed who? And why did you kiss her back? Who undressed who? For fuck sake Kachiza. You are an idiot of a man. Get your cheating hands off me.”
“No. Now listen to me. I don’t know who kissed who. It just happened. It was for closure. Gosh I made a mistake. Gemima I am sorry.”
I put my hands on his chest and push him away. I see Samantha reach out and touch his back to steady him or whatever she’s trying to do for him. Gosh and he doesn’t shy away from her hand. No he stands right next to her as it it’s the most normal thing in the world. What trash they are.
“Is that why your phones were off last night. Is that why you were so angry last night?” I ask
“The guys got angry. Noah lost it last night. He wanted me to stop and go home and behave and I got angry with him and Noah got mad too. He saw us. He told me I was doing wrong by you and I knew that. I just didn’t want to listen.”
“So you guys did argue. A cheater judging another cheater? Ironic.” I respond.
“Baby I’m sorry. It got out of hand. It wasn’t supposed to. I should have stayed away from her.”
He walks towards me and I take a step back. I don’t want him touching me again.
“It got out of hand? When? When you kissed her or when she sent me the message? When you were naked or when you figured she would be coming to see me tonight. I am sure she told you she was coming baby. Fucking shit.”
Kachiza walks up to me and touches my shoulder
“Gemima calm down. Baby……..”
I lift my hand so fast and slap right across the face. The slap rings out in the room. I hear Samantha gasp. I slap him again and push him away from me. He is stunned. Hand stuck to his side, he’s silent. Samantha comes to his side and touches his cheek In my mother’s house. She’s next. I will kill her!!. He pushes her hand away and she pouts at him. In my mother’s house?
“It got out of hand. Huh? With her? Her? You living piece of shit!!! I hate you. I truly hate you!!”
“Baby listen. You don’t understand everything yet.”
“There is more? Are you kidding me? You’re a joke.”
“It got out of hand when Monde found out and she thought Noah was cheating on her. Noah had my phone and somehow Monde found it and saw a message from Samantha. I thought I could solve it and make her stay away. But Samantha is crazy.”
“Eh excuse me.” Samantha says. “You made me crazy boo.”
Monde found out? What did she know? Monde thought Noah was cheating. Yes I knew that. So what would Monde know? She was dealing with Noah cheating. Unless… Omg… Unless she had the wrong man. So that means Monde accused the wrong man of having a woman called Plumber. It was my man that knew Plumber. Plumber was Samantha.
“So let me get this straight.” I say. “You and Samantha who happens to be your ex and the chief baby abortion Queen have been meeting up, and you kissed her and you saw her again at O’Hagans for jokes, and Noah had your phone, then Monde saw a message Samantha sent you but she thought it was for Noah and she suffered for days with this while she’s pregnant. So that message broke up a marriage and your Plumber thought I needed to know so she sent me a message asking to see me and you decide to tell me everything the day before our wedding. Am I correct?”
He nods his head.
“So you Samantha you went through all this and almost ruined a marriage?” I ask.
I walk towards her slowly.
“You got a pregnant woman so stressed for nothing?” I ask
“I did not know about Monde and Noah having his phone. Who does that anyway. Give a phone to their friend when they have a lady calling them. I did not know about…..”
She never expects it. The slap that lands on her face. No. So busy talking she did not see my shaking hands. She could not avoid it. She staggers back in shock, surprised. Yes she deserves this. They both do. I would do well to slap her again. The foolish woman.
“How dare you!!! You are full of it. What would you have done if Monde lost her baby. Because of you. And him. What kind of love is this. You are destroying lives. Get it?” I ask.
“Oh please you’re the one who is destroying lives Gemima.” Samantha starts. “You are marrying a man who does not love you.”
“Oh really? Why not ask him!! He’s right there.” I tell her.
“Baby listen. I love you. Not Samantha. We kissed and no feelings there.” Kachiza responds.
“See.” I tell Samantha. “You are alone.. Ma… Mi. You need to get out of my mother’s house before I beat you out of it.”
She smirks at me and smiles.
“Call me Kachiza. I will be waiting.”
And out she struts out of the living room, shaking her booty and whatever else she has left after the slap. I turn and face Kachiza. He looks at me and I look at him, wishing him to disappear from my life.
“I love you Gemima. Samantha was a weakness.”
“Really? Because it seems Samantha loves you too. Women just don’t fall. No baby. They are led there. And it seems maybe you still have feelings for her.”
“I don’t. It was for closure. I needed closure. I never got that from her years ago.”
“Don’t insult me Kachiza. How dare you. Closure by merging lips.”
“Baby listen. Nothing happened..”
“A kiss happened Kachiza. Don’t ignore it. A kiss happened. Kisses. You lying prick of a man.” I shout. “Oh my gosh. What am I supposed to do now?”
“Baby please calm down.” He says. “We can talk about this. We can get through this.”
He walks up to me, his hands touch my waist and I push them off of me. Why does it hurt? Don’t they prepare us for moments like these? Didn’t they advise me about cheating men? But they never told me about the pain that comes with it. What good will my anger do now. It won’t save me from the pain.Tears on my cheeks as I look at him.
“Baby I’m so sorry.”
I lift my hand and slap him, not once, not twice. No. I slap him with everything I’ve got. I don’t know how many times but I still don’t feel better when I stop. He just stands there looking at me. Why did I think he was any different. This ass of a man.
“I hate you!!” I scream. “I hate you. Men like you who ruin women like me. I want you gone now. Get out!!”
He doesn’t walk away. He remains standing right there in silence. Fine if he won’t leave then I will. I walk out of the livingroom. I need to be far away from him.
“Gemima wait. Baby let’s talk.” He says behind me.
“I want you to leave. We are done. Done. For good. Get out!!” I shout.
He grabs my hand in the kitchen and turns me around to face him. He gets down on his knees and looks up at me. He has tears in his eyes but what good are those tears right now. My heart is broken. It doesn’t matter now. I hear footsteps behind me and I see Salome, Chibwe, Monde, Noah and Mukuka standing with us in the kitchen. Oh my gosh. I don’t want them here. Can they disappear? This is embarrassing. My mother will come here soon. Ahh my aunts are home too. My mom’s friends are around as well. I just want him gone.
“Gemima baby listen, I’m only marrying one woman tomorrow. And that woman is you. That’s it. No one else.” Kachiza says
“I hate you.” I say. “You lied to me. And you made that stupid woman come to me instead of being honest. I don’t think I want to forgive you. Ever.”
“Baby. It was just kisses. Nothing more.”
“So!!! Because it was kisses it makes it all better? Let’s not forget you almost slept with her. So almost doesn’t count now? Is that it? You selfish bastard. Men are so selfish. You’re all jerks. If I had done the same you wouldn’t be here listening to me. You would be gone.”
I push his hands away and take a few steps back. Away from him.
“You surely didn’t think that just because you told me you kissed Samantha that you would get away with it.” I tell him. “You only told me the truth because Monde found out. You told me because your crazy ex girlfriend was going to reveal it all. You disgust me.”
“I am sorry. I am. You have to forgive me. I’m not leaving till you do.”
“Well then you might as well wait there forever then.” I say.
“Gemima we are getting married tomorrow.” He says.
I laugh then. With tears flowing down my face I laugh at him. I feel someone touch my back but I don’t turn around to see who it is. I just need to laugh it all out.
“Marriage. What is marriage baby? What is faithfulness? We are getting married tomorrow? I can’t even trust you and you say we are getting married tomorrow? You want a bitter wife? A bad home? I hate you.” I say.
“I’ve never cheated on you. I’ve been a good man. I slipped once or twice baby. Just that. I kissed her. Thats it. And I left. I swear.”
“And that makes it okay. That your D behaved. I’ve been a good woman. I’ve never cheated. Not even kissing another man once. You wanna make kissing another woman not cheating. You need to get out and get your facts straight!!”
“You’re angry. I understand. But we love each other. We have been together for too long to let things get damaged like this. I’ll wait for you tomorrow. I’ll be waiting for my wife. I’ll wait for you at the church if I have to. Gemima I love you.” Kachiza says.
I look at him on his knees, tears falling down his face and I turn around and walk out of the kitchen with my girls at my side.
How did I not trust my gut this time. I knew something would define my day. I knew something bad was going to happen. But I did not expect this.
Why do I have I have to face this now. Before the biggest day of my life. Why?
I don’t deserve this.
Then why do I have to go through it?
I am a good woman.
What the hell just happened?
What is going on? I hold Gemima’s left hand while Monde holds her right as we lead her to her bedroom. Chibwe is behind us silent. Gemima is silent. In her own world and thoughts. She’s not saying a word but she holds onto our hands. She is in shock. She must be in shock. After the bits I heard of their argument I wonder who isn’t in shock except Kachiza of course. I am still lost. I still don’t really understand what happened. And the only person who can tell me is in silence. We take her to her bedroom and we sit with her on her bed. She stares ahead as if there is something to see.
“Gemima.” I whisper. “Gemima.”
But she does not acknowledge a thing. She simply stares at whatever is in front of her. What happens now? It all happened so fast, I left Mukuka outside and I went to the bedroom where I found Chibwe eating her supper. I told Chibwe what I did to Mukuka. Everything I told him. And I was about to call Tawanda when we heard Gemima’s loud voice shouting; it was so loud that we instantly got worried and we left the room to find out what was going on. We found Monde, Noah and Mukuka standing in the kitchen watching an angry Gemima shouting at a kneeling Kachiza. She was angry and I could tell Kachiza was trying his best to calm her down with his declarations of love while tears fell down his face. I didn’t need to ask anyone what was going on, it was clear to see who was the guilty party.
“Gemima I’m only marrying one woman tomorrow. And that woman is you. That’s it. No one else.” Kachiza had said
But Gemima wasn’t having it. I could see her hands were shaking and when she mentioned something about kisses it took me by surprise. What kisses? Who had kissed who? Why were the love birds fighting a day before their wedding? Hours before their wedding?
“You surely didn’t think that just because you told me you kissed Samantha only once that you would get away with it.” Gemima said.
And then it finally made sense. But then again when had Kachiza kissed Samantha? Wasn’t he always with Gemima day in, day out. Didn’t Gemima know where he was each second of the day? Or had he been lying to her all this time. Just to be with Samantha. Gosh. Exes and the links they have on us. The man loved Gemima so what would have made him stray away from his relationship. What was it that Samantha told him or did that would make him forget he was engaged to be married in a few days. When did he kiss her? Did he do more with her? Because if he told Gemima the truth out of the fact that Samantha wanted to reveal all, then would he have told her if Samantha never wanted Gemima to know?
“You lied to me. And you made that stupid woman come to me instead of being honest. I don’t think I want to forgive you. Ever.”
The stupid woman came here? Samantha was here? Whoa. Drama. Eish. No wonder she is in shock. How do you deal with a cheating man and his side piece. Gosh so many complications. How will she get through it all. But in my heart I know love will triumph in the end. Whether she will marry him tomorrow is up to her. If she can forgive him and trust him again. But you never know. The shock has to pass at some point. Maybe she’s angry now and she will go through with the wedding tomorrow. She will think twice about hating him and take him back. Personally I think if he was telling the truth about the kiss then I believe the sin is forgivable. It’s not as bad as him sleeping with another woman. Then again it’s Samantha they were talking about. The woman who literally ruined his life. What could he possibly want from her again. Why would he kiss her after all this time. Why now before the wedding? Men and their insecurities. Did he have cold feet? Gosh Kachiza has definitely made a mess of things now.
We are all silent in the bedroom. This is surely the worst moment we have ever been through. I can’t imagine what Gemima is going through right now. She was so happy earlier. How happiness fades when reality and secrets are revealed. I hope Kachiza has left, he needs to think things through. And Gemima, well she needs to sleep this off and maybe tomorrow she will wake up all happy and ready to go on with the wedding.
The door to the bedroom opens and Gemima’s mother walks in, two other women follow her into re room. They must have heard the noise as well. Muzinga walks in last and closes the door. Gemima’s mother stands with the two other women looking at us while Muzinga sits at Gemima’s feet. No one says a thing. They understand is a bad situation. A lot is weighing on Gemima’s back right now. A future is in on the balance. And only she can make the right choice.
“All of you leave us.” Gemima’s mother says aloud. “We need to talk to Gemima.”
Salome and I let go of Gemima’s hands and we stand up from the bed, Chibwe follows us. Gemima does not look up or say a word, she just sits there in silence. We slowly walk out of the bedroom and the door closes behind us. Whatever will happen in there will determine the outcome of the damaged relationship. Probably her mother and aunts will try and talk some “sense” into her. What a horrible situation. I can only imagine what she’s going through. Wasn’t I also almost about to go through the same thing. Did I not think my husband, Noah was cheating on me. Look at what it did to me. Just knowing the woman in his life was capable of saying she loved him destroyed me and I didn’t even know who she was. It took him explaining it to me for me to understand I accused the wrong man. And to be honest I was grateful it wasn’t my husnand. I was happy it wasn’t my marriage on the rocks. I love Noah and having to think that the man you love can stray away from your touch and into the arms of another is destructive.
But for Gemima it was different. It’s not like Kachiza kissed a random woman. No. It’s not like he met her weeks ago. No. He knew her for long time. They almost had a child together. Gemima knew everything. She knew the woman, not just through Kachiza. She knew what Samantha had done to Kachiza years ago and she had been the one to help him past he heartbreak. She made him happy again. Didn’t we all think Samantha was a closed chapter. Until the engagement party. But then I read that message before the engagement party so that means Kachiza saw Samantha before the engagement party, maybe even days before. But why? Was he still in love with Samantha? That didn’t make any sense. And Kachiza giving his phone to Noah, that to me reeks of guilt. Why couldn’t he block Samantha? He kept chatting with her, tolerating her crap until it got him knee deep in a mess he couldn’t control. Gemima had said I knew the truth. I did, but at the time I believed my husband was the cheater. Gemima also said Samantha wanted to tell her the truth. Samantha and her drama. She planned this all along and Kachiza was the fool who fell for it. Or was he? If Gemima said she came here then did Samantha tell the truth or an exaggerated lie. Kachiza’s honesty was a good move but on a wrong night. He had plenty of time to tell Gemima the truth. Why did he keep it in for so long?
But right now those things don’t matter. What matters now is how to make Gemima feel better. If I were in her shoes would I marry him? Yes. I would.Though it all depends on how far he went with Samantha. He implied it was kisses only so it’s not so bad right? I wouldn’t let Samantha win. Ever. She deserved to know the hard core truth. That she was the woman who let a good man go and aborted his baby. She deserved to see Kachiza happy with Gemima. But then again that’s my thought.
I hope Gemima makes the right choice for herself. She deserves that much. I take my phone out of my pocket and see an unread messages.
It’s really bad. She’s in shock. How is Kachiza? Are you still around?
No. I convinced him to leave with Mukuka and I. He’s distraught. What a horrible mess. Do you think Gemima will go on with the wedding tomorrow.
Babe I have no idea. I don’t know. I can’t imagine what she’s going through right now. She’s heart broken.
Fuxk. And to think you suffered through days with this as well. Babe I’m sorry. The stress I put you through.
We are fine. Our family is okay.
I love you Monde. You are my life. I don’t know what I would do without you.
I love you too Noah. I love you too.
We stand outside Gemima’s bedroom door. Just in case someone calls for us. We don’t want to far away from her. An injury to one is an injury to all. Gemima going through this brings tears to my eyes. I didn not expect this tonight, I didn’t expect such a thing to happen to these two. Kachiza loved Gemima, that much was clear but what he doing with Samantha the cheater anyway. Just goes to show you that if you have unfinished business with your ex then you shouldn’t be seen carrying engagement rings till the business is finalised. To be cheated on is one thing especially if you have no idea. But to be cheated on and be told by your party and for you to actually have to know who the other person is another thing. Samantha and her need for drama has brought a relationship so filled with love to pieces. But if Gemima takes him back then she is a strong woman. I wouldn’t take him back at all. It’s a harsh truthful reality. Over a kiss. Yes. I wouldn’t. But if he were to persuade me and convince me that it wouldn’t happen again then maybe I would be wiling to take him back. After several months. Let’s be realistic here, how would I able to look at him again knowing he the lips that were meant to be mine kissed another, an ex girlfriend for that matter. No. Forgiveness would take time. Trust would take time to build again. This is why leaving would be better but then again love makes us do crazy things.
Love makes us stupid. Makes us see an old ex as maybe someone changed and better. Like Patrick and I. Seeing what’s happened with Gemima tonight has put my mind into perspective. Love can disappoint you even when it’s pure. Sometimes I guess it’s better to deal with the demons one already knows instead of finding out last minute that the perfect guy was in fact lying all along. Gosh I need to call Patrick and talk to him. I’m so lost right now.
“This sucks.” Salome says. “Why can’t we be with her. She needs us. What do you think they are telling her right now?”
“Trash talk about how to keep a man obviously.” I respond.
“Chibwe.” Monde whispers
“It’s the truth. How much has been spent on the wedding. It’s tomorrow. Do you think her family wants her to just walk away?” I ask
“But it’s still dependent on her either way.” Salome says. “If she can live with it and forgive him. And trust him.”
“Gemima is strong.” Monde says. “Whatever she decides is up to her.”
“Though why did he do it?” Salome asks. “Why with Samantha? The woman has always been trouble. He knew that.”
I shrug. Only he knows I guess. And maybe Gemima too.
“Do you think he still loves Samantha?” Salome asks
“It’s impossible.” Monde says. “Kachiza loves Gemima alot. He made a mistake. That’s it.”
“What a way to show you love someone. By kissing your crazy tell all ex” Salome responds. “That is if he never slept with her.”
“What if he did?” I ask.
“Gosh that’s a different ball game. Shit. Men. Zambian men. This is why getting married is not for me.” Salome says. “Be faithful and they still cheat.”
“Well we can’t judge him. We know nothing. What if it’s only a kiss.” Monde asks.
“Well only Gemima can decide that. Only she has the power to decide her fate. We can only support her through it.”
I look at the closed door and say a prayer in my heart for Gemima. She needs all the strenth she can get.
I just hope she will be okay.
“A man will always be a man.”
What the hell are these women on. Chamba? A man will always be a man? A cheater? That is acceptable to us women? When are we as women going to see our own worth if this is what we tell other women when men mess up. We need to show these men that enough is enough. We deserve to be happy with faithful men. What the hell?
“Men do alot of things. That’s why it’s up to us as women to guide them.”
How do we guide these men? They do what they want anyway. We simply watch them all the time. When do we get the respect we deserve. Do we guide them to cheat? Was I a bad girlfriend? Was I not enough for Kachiza?
“The Bible says we are mans helper so we help them become better creatures.”
How do I make a cheater a better creature? Eve ruined that for everyone. I can’t listen to them anymore. No. They are making it worse for me. I am heart broken. Why can’t they see this. Why can’t they comfort me?
“Kachiza made a mistake. But he loves you. Samantha was trouble from the start. But he picked you.”
And yet after picking me he picked her again and again. I am so lost. Who is the bad person here.The cheater or the woman who fell for it and ruins another woman’s life? This is too much. His lips were on hers. On her body probably. He lied to me. He lied period.
I will block their words. They keep talking. Why cant they keep silent. No. Where are my girls. I need them. My heart is breaking. I am so tired.
“You can’t leave him. He loves you. You love him. That’s why you were made from man’s rib. Forgiveness is plenty in your heart. Just forgive him and forget.”
“All men cheat. The good ones just know how to hide their other women.”
“All the money we spent on the wedding and venue. Matebeto. Kitchen party. You can’t walk away now. The day before. No woman does that.”
“I’m sure he’s learnt his lesson. Gemima look into your heart and forgive him. My child be forgiving.”
“There is a saying in Zambia my child, Ubuchende Wa Mwaume Tau Tobe Enganda (Cheating of a man can’t break a home). Him cheating on you can’t break up what you have together now. Save your marriage.”
“Look at how much you have spent on this wedding? Look at how much we have spent and you think you will get your money back?”
“Gemima do you think every woman in this house hasn’t been cheated on? These things happen my child. Even that married of yours knows this. She can tell you the truth. You can’t leave a man over small issues like that.”
“Gemima listen to us. We are older women. We have lived through these things. Men are men. You are luck you know he is sorry. Others do not apologise. They just let you live with it.”
“All that matters is that he takes care of you. That’s it. Everything else will be a bonus.”
I hear the words my mother and aunts say. But the words do not stop the hurt. It’s like they choose to ignore the tears falling down my cheeks. Their words do not make everything okay. Are these the excuses women have for themselves when men do the most stupid things. What does that make us women? Doormats? Will the words be enough to make me go through with the wedding tomorrow? Will their words make him look like a prince in my eyes tomorrow? Will their words erase all memory of tonight and make me kiss him without a heavy heart.
“How many men are you going to leave if you want to leave just because of a kiss.”
Though they are kind of right. It was only a kiss. Just a few kisses. They never slept together if I take his word for it. It should be a small matter right? At least he did not sleep with someone. A kiss can not ruin a wedding. I should be able to go through with the wedding if I can convince myself that it was only a few kisses. So long as nothing else happened. But what if something else happened and Kachiza did not tell me then what? What if I say I do something else comes up. What is he is still in love with Samantha and yet he thinks he’s still in love with me? What if he regrets this months from now? What if I regret this months from now? In as much as the cheating is very bad, it is also about who he did it with that hurts. Samantha is a blast from the past, a painful part of his life that he condemned for months if not years and now he is kissing her as if nothing happened. Closure? What kind of closure is that? Do I also have to go around kissing all my exes for closure before the wedding? I am so sure Samantha had a smug look on her face when she sent me the message. She wanted me to find out the truth. After all didn’t she come back for him and this wedding? To remind him of the love they shared and the baby they never had.
“Be strong Gemima. Be strong. You will need it for tomorrow.”
Is this what it will be like when if I get married tomorrow. How will I ever trust him? What if he does it again but with another. What if Samantha decides to stay in Zambia and keeps meddling in our business. It hurts to even imagine them locking lips. But I have to imagine it. I have to feel the pain now if I am to make the best choice for me.
“You’re so lucky he told you the truth. Ahhh these men. They keep secrets till you die. Some are so lucky they find out the truth on their death bed or even better the man’s death bed.”
Is that supposed to make me feel better that he is an honest man? How is it luck because a man opened up about a sin? The man only told me the truth because I was going to find out from another woman. Otherwise he would have taken the secret to his grave. He could have destroyed a marriage. Did he know that? Does he regret his actions?
“Shipikisha my child. It all be okay. You will wake up tomorrow happy and you will marry the man of your dreams. All you need is rest.”
Shipikisha? Aren’t those the same words women told my mother when my father cheated on her. Isn’t “shipikisha” the joke women used on her when they wanted to reassure her my father wouldn’t leave her? Where was the word when he left her for the woman he was cheating on her with. Her of all people should understand how I feel tonight. She should not be advising me to forgive him so easily. She should be angry and sad. She should be comforting me not telling me to b strong. The only thing right about that statement is I should rest. I need to sleep this night away. Maybe tomorrow I will feel better. Maybe tomorrow things will be okay and this will all be a dream.
“Ulina chikonko. Let it go.”
Let it go? How? Forgiveness? That easily. What if I do not want to forgive him. Will that make me less of a woman? Because I can’t forgive a man for sins he has no control over. Why are relationships even more complicated when family is involved. I will pull through this. I will. I have to make a decision.
At the end of the day no matter how they advise me, the final decision is up to me.
Three options lay before me. And I can only choose one.
To cancel the wedding
To postpone the wedding
To leave Kachiza for good
And I can only choose one path.
The best path.
I cover my face with my hands and cry. My wails are the only sound I can hear. Everyone in the room is silent. They do not comfort me or stop my tears. They are letting me cry it all out. I need to do this to feel better.
But the pain I feel is unbearable.
I wish I never knew the truth.
I wish I knew the way forward.
You love me. You can’t leave me. What we had is special. Gemima is a fool for thinking she can have you to herself. That kiss we shared is just the beginning.
How dare you send Gemima that message. Whatever your plan was it failed. She now knows everything. Now I have a relationship to save. And you are a past I am done with. I wish you the best in your life Samantha.
Thank you for showing me that I made no mistake in letting you go.
Oh please Kachiza. You did this to yourself.
You know I wouldn’t hurt you.
Go to hell, that’s where you belong. I should have done this a long time ago. I will do it now instead. We are done. Forever.
You don’t mean that.
Kachiza, are you ignoring me?
Have you blocked me?
To be continued…
We are almost at the end. Almost. I am excited. It has a been amazing journey. And I am happy ya’ll sat down to read all this with me. I am forever grateful.