It’s gonna be an awesome day.
Did you notice you sleep better when you have someone you love beside you? Ask anyone. Even bandits. We all need love and super rest. My thoughts always happen to come before I open my eyes. Not to plan for the day ahead. But to day dream scenarios that will never happen. I open my eyes and I see Mukuka lying chest down fast asleep. Men are so handsome in the morning too I think as I stare at him. He must be tired. We slept late, my fault, I wanted more of what he was offering. Hnmmmm. I know it’s probably before six because I can’t see sunlight through my curtains. I stretch beside him and sigh in pure bliss. Awesome day it will be. I know because I had an awesome night. Do I have to go to work. I could call and claim mothers day or I could go to the clinic and get days off. I’m so happy I’m willing to go and sit at the hospital for hours waiting for a doctor to diagnose nothing and prescribe lots of rest. Mukuka sure does know how to treat a lady. I get off my bed and walk right into my handbag. I pick it up and search for my phone. Oh crap. Fifteen missed calls from Tawanda. Is something wrong? What the hell happened? Is he okay? I know I avoided him all day but fifteen missed calls is a joke. Clingy much? Maybe I should call him. Put his mind at ease. But not now. Later when I get to work. When I’m alone. I don’t want to deal with two angry men today. And besides I just managed to get Mukuka into my bed, don’t wanna spoil that yet.
I turn and see Mukuka looking at me. He’s so sexy when he wakes up. I’ve been looking at that face for years and it still gets to me when I see him in the morning.
“Morning.” I respond
“Sleep well? ”
“Uh huh. You?”
“I think so. You and your moves. Tryna break a man. What time is it? ”
I smile and look at my phone. “Five fifteen.”
“Damn. Isn’t it too cold for you to be standing with your handbag naked. What are you looking at? Come to bed. ”
I put my handbag down but carry my phone to bed. I place the phone on my bedside table and get into the covers with him. He pulls me close to him and his warmth, his arms around me. Pure bliss. This is what waking up next to a man should be like.
“You’re so warm.” I whisper as I snuggle up closer to him.
“You will be soon.” He says
I feel his lips on my neck and his hand squeezing my bum. It’s about that time again.
I swear this man will be the end of me.
“Wake up or I’ll be late for school. ”
I open my eyes and see Samuel in his school uniform standing beside my bed. I groan and turn.
” What’s the time? ”
Huh? I quickly push my beddings aside and leave my bed. I’m so late. Oh my gosh.
“Pack lunch. Eat breakfast. I’ll be done just now.” I say as I run to the bathroom.
“Already did that Mummy. Kuku can drop me off at school.” Samuel says aloud.
“Gimme ten minutes.” I say aloud.
I close the door to the bathroom. One soap one water kind of day. What the hell happened?
I pride myself on being an on time person which I am to be honest. Thirty minutes later I am all dressed up – white dress and black pumps – makeup on point, hair in a bun- basically I look good – in my car driving Samuel to school but I keep feeling I’ve forgotten something at home. Painkillers for my epic hangover maybe. I deserve this after a night of careless drinking even if it was in my own home near my own bed. I was careless. I don’t drink that much. This is Patrick’s fault. All of it.
“So mum, can I see daddy tonight?”
For fuck sake!!! I change lanes along great East Road narrowly avoiding hitting into another car. I mumble a few insults under my breath. I’m late and people want to drive slow like their parents inherited the road from their parents. Idiots.
“Mum! ” Samuel says aloud. “Can I?”
Why do you have say it out loud. My hangover. Be a caring child. Please. And besides why does he want to see Patrick on a school night. He knows the rules. Unless Patrick put him up to it.
“Sammy. Did your father suggest this last night?” I ask
“No. ” He responds.
I hope Patrick did not influence Samuel to ask me this question. Though my son does not lie. He wouldn’t start today. He knows I’m a good mother. I let him see his dad when it’s right. That’s being an awesome…. Shit. I need to branch off this traffic jammed road or we will be late. Why the hell did I drink last night?
“You will see your father on the weekend okay. You can stay with him till Tuesday. How’s that? ”
” Cool. ” He says happily. “Can I call him to come over though. Like after school.”
“Like how will you call him? You have no phone love.”
“Well he said he would come over if you allowed it.”
Patrick’s games. Piece of……. Oh. I need to stop thinking like that.
“Uh I think your dad will be busy today. ”
” He said he wouldn’t be after class. He actually said he would pick me up today. ”
Bingo. I knew it. He planned this. What do I say now? No he can’t come over then ruin my son’s day or tell him yes sure, let your father come over and make my son’s day. Being a parent is hard. What to do. Why is being a parent so hard?
” Fine. I’ll allow it. ”
” Thanks mummy. You are the best. ”
Of course I am. I always will be no matter.
“I’m gonna be late for school ain’t I?” Samuel asks
“Not if I have anything to do with it. Watch mummy drive. ”
I’m a bad mother sometimes.
For the right reasons.
Oh. Another driver that over brakes for no reason.
Why am I always behind the weirdos. Damn it RTSA do something about this.
Its gonna be a long day.
The sky is sooooo beautiful. So blue.
I am going to have a bad day.
How do I know?
Well, it all began when I woke up in the middle of the night. I had a nightmare. Kachiza leaving me at the altar for another woman who looked a lot like Samantha. I do not know why I dreamt about her in the first place. But it ruined the rest of my early morning. Or night. And I know it will ruin my day. Cold feet maybe? Why would I have cold feet? I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time. Or is Kachiza getting cold feet and I’m feeling the effects? Paranoia? Bad luck maybe? Murphy’s Law is definitely at work today. Everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong today. I don’t even know where to start from. I had to bath cold water. Cold!! And that made me itch for a while – I truly hate you ZESCO; I lost the spare keys to the flat and by the time I found them it was after nine. Just when I thought I could start my day, my car couldn’t start for whatever reason and when I tried to call Kachiza to pick me up, I dropped my phone and it went off. By the time my phone came back on I was already so angry and late but managed to send Kachiza a message about getting a mechanic for me which meant I had to sit by the car waiting for the mechanic putting my day on hold for this. Adding horror to my already bad day Mum called me with some bad news about the bridesmaids dresses or so she said when I answered the phone but I couldn’t hear her clearly. Probably need a new phone now. Definitely a bad day in my books and about to get worse. I decide to sit in my car and wait for the mechanic and play candy crush hoping the bad luck won’t continue. Five lives enough?
Maybe my bad luck stems from the reality that I have not yet invited my father to my wedding. Maybe some lack of respect mojo – always obey your parents even if they are weird -is causing this. I had good reasons for not inviting the man, and my reasons still apply today. I don’t want to see his wife period, I also don’t want mum to see her. I didn’t want mum to cause a fracas over it. Mum was, still is too nice and maybe I’m the one who would cause the fracas. Father daughter dance with the daughter refusing to let her father near him kind of fracas. But it’s also because I know mum still loves dad even if he clearly moved on to a younger version of her; younger in everything – from her breasts to the womb; we are much better now, but I just can’t get past the fact that he literally broke our family for a girlfriend – who is my age by the way – so that he could find happiness. What happened to keep the mistress and never let the wife know about her kind of behaviour our parents adhered to. I had told him as much too. He wasn’t amused, but then again after he did what he did I didn’t care. I didn’t want him waking me down the Isle because I wanted the ones that loved me to send me off. To add insult to injury, his young-same age-as me-wife got pregnant and gave him a son he so desperately wanted for years and mum failed to give him, like it was up to her to pick an egg that would turn into a boy. Mum put on a brave face when she found out but I know she cried that day. It broke my heart that she still felt things for the man. I am yet to visit them and see my younger brother; Muzinga being the avoid-drama-learn-to-forgive type of person she was went to see them and congratulate them on their bundle of joy. She said he was handsome. I didn’t care. Dad is almost sixty and he is still having kids? What a joke. Kachiza tried to help me see that no matter what he did to us as a family he was still my father and I lost my temper. I didn’t want my father in my life. He can stay with his bimbo wife for all I care so long as I don’t see it. Mum calls it a kasuli complex which really I don’t believe. Being the last born has nothing to do with how I feel about my cheating father. Dad left us period. He chose another. Fact. He wanted a son. Fact. So I want him to stay gone. Simple end of story. But what if that’s the reason I’m having a bad day? What if…..
I hear a knock on my window and see Mr Tembo, Kachiza’s mechanic looking in. I quickly put my phone in my handbag and get out of the car.
Time to get this crappy day started.
I’m having a day of sorts.
I am in the car with Noah; he’s driving through the crazy morning traffic while I am deep in my thoughts. I shouldn’t have woken up late, but after last night’s activities we both woke up late but we made it in time to drop off Suwilanji at school now that she feels better. But that also meant I would be late for work. Noah on the hand barely cares if he will be late. He is in the best mood ever. Sex truly does wonders. He can’t stop smiling. He’s in a good mood from what I can see; besides after the night we had I should be glowing, or maybe I am and I’m just being difficult. I will admit last night was different. Not that Noah kisses me differently or he makes love to me in a bad way but last night it was different; more emotions involved, it was raw. I didn’t hold back even when I wanted to hold back. Instead I put my all into our act of love making that it made me cry after. It was the way he kissed me, the way he caressed me into submission and made me feel like the only woman in his world. It was beautiful. If the man is cheating then gosh, I will make sure he stopa, if all he wants is more of what I can offer between the sheets. I smile to myself. I should be ashamed right now that I cried in his arms overwhelmed by the pleasure. He held me in his arms after until I fell asleep. It was the perfect end to a stressful day.
But today will be just as stressful too. I have something on my mind that needs careful planning and serious thought.
If I had woken up on time like I had planned, I would have put my plan into effect – sweet talk the man, breakfast, be nice and get his phone. I still need to find out who Plumber is. How? Through his phone of course. I made my decision and I will not stop till I find the woman. Not that I will confront her or call her to tell her to stay away from my husband. No when I find out who she is, I will deal with my husband himself on the issue. I just need to be sure that he’s cheating. I need more proof. No matter what it leads to. Divorce or separation I don’t know. All I want now is the truth and I will not go about asking him because if he has been hiding this from me who says he will admit to the truth now. Kufwa na no kind of mentality at play in Zambian men.
If only I had woken up on time, then the breakfast plan would have worked. The plan was to get his phone while he was bathing or having breakfast and figure out a way to screenshot the stuff in it and send them to my phone. Normally Noah lets his phone charge as he baths and today as he bathed I found the phone locked with some pattern kind of password. No way I’m asking him for the password and making him suspicious. Though it made me wonder as to when he started locking his phone. I have to find a way to see his messages. I put my plan on hold because I didn’t want to alarm him by asking for his phone then having him delete all the messages and calls received log from last night already. If I wanted to get his phone in my hands before he deleted everything I had to act super nice and all romantic for him. Hence I let him drive me to work again. He was happy to do it if it meant spending more time with me. He already tried to convince me to stay home so that we could stay in bed and continue with our kiss kiss and don’t moan loud sessions. But I needed to go to the office. I needed to think things through.
I look at him as he drives, did I not make vows to this man to trust him and love him no matter what. Why am I being sneaky instead of opening up to him. I made vows to him and I will stick to my vows. I will not leave my husband. I’m pregnant and I need my husband in my life with my children. But will I ever trust him when I find out everything. I need to be able to trust him to make my marriage work.
Trust is truly like a mirror.
Once broken it is hard to fix.
Probably get cuts from the shards of glass. And this case my heart is what’s getting cut.
I don’t know how to move forward.
I don’t want to call him.
Why should I? He will take it as a sign to keep talking to me. Though he has to anyway. He is the father of my son. Besides I want to remind him to pick up Samuel from school. I have to know if he will make it or if I should let my mother pick him up. Simple right. So why am I nervous right now? Why am I afraid to press the dial button and call the man. It’s a simple call anyway. I press the button before I shut down the phone and I wait.
He picks up on the first ring and he sounds breathless. What is he up to? Running? Having sex? This time of the morning? Why am I thinking about all this now? What the hell is the time? I look at my wall clock and notice the clock indicate it’s twelve twenty. Lunch time.
“Hi.” I say a little too loudly
“Hey Chibwe. You okay?” He asks as he lets out a cough.
“Yes. How are you?”
“I am good. What’s up? Something wrong?”
“No. No. No. Uhhh….”
Let me talk first I think. I take a deep breath.
“Samuel told me you wanted to pick him up today after school.” I say quickly
“Yea. I asked him if it would be okay with your approval of course.”
Why is his voice so…. So…. Damn disgusting. I’m a terrible liar. I can imagine he has a smile on his face right now like he always did in uni when it was all rosy. Why am I thinking about Uni now? The man is handsome. Gosh to have him whisper stuff as we….. Have I been without a man for that long? This sucks big time.
“Huh?” I ask
“You sure you okay. You didn’t respond.”
“Yea. Sorry. Sorry. Uhm so it’s okay. You can pick him up. Samuel knocks off at fifteen hours. You know where his school is?”
He laughs and what that does to my heart I can not explain.
“Are you okay Chibwe?” He asks. “You do know that I know Lusaka pretty well right. Just because I was in Swaziland for a while doesn’t mean I forgot my home town.”
Of course. How silly of me to ask.
“I’m sorry. Well do you know where I stay?” I ask
“Yeah. And if I get lost, Samuel will tell me.”
“Cool. I’ll call mom to expect you then.”
“Your mum is around?”
He keeps silent. Is he okay? Why is he silent?
“Well it’s your mum you know. She must hate me.”
I want to “fyola” at him but I hold myself back. It’s not worth it. He’s the father of my child. If he looking for a hints about my mother’s feelings about him then he will be disappointed. I will not tell him a thing. Let him sweat it out and worry about how she will treat him when he meets her. I won’t tell him my mother forgave him way before the thought of forgiveness entered my mind. Why haven’t I forgiven him yet for what he put me through all those years ago. Holding onto grudges is wrong. Isn’t it time to let it all go.
“Good luck Patrick.” I say quickly.
“Are you kidding me. You won’t even help me out here?”
“With what?” I ask feigning indifference.
“Your mum. What do I say to her?”
“I don’t know. Hello would be great. Anyway I gotta go. Bye Patrick.”
I cut the call and let out a deep breath. Done. That was easy. See. I look through my phone contact book and find my mums number and dial. And as usual mum takes her time answering the phone.
“Hello.” She says slowly.
Mum’s voice is so light and mellow unlike my loud tone. A firm believer of talk slow to make sure your enemies hear you clearly.
“Good Morning Mum.”
“Ahh Chibwe, it’s you. Is everything okay?”
“Yes. I wanted to tell you that Patrick will pick up Samuel today from school. He will come by and drop him off at home.”
“Oho. Okay. I didn’t know he was back in Zambia.”
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. I will explain everything when I get home tonight. I just wanted you to know that you don’t have to pick up Samuel today.”
“Okay. What do you want me to cook for supper?” She asks. “A full chicken for Patrick.”
Is she joking right now? I’m not laughing.
“Mom. Really. He’s not staying for dinner.”
“Oh so half a chicken?”
Is she listening to me? I’ll let her decide.
“You decide Mum. I’ll see you later. Have a great day. Bye.”
I cut the line and place my phone on my desk. Well that’s done. I’m sure Samuel will be excited to see Patrick. That’s why I’m doing this. To see my son smile and be happy. But then again I remember the issue of being a family, Patrick, Samuel and I; and I know he would be happy to have us together under one roof. Will I be willing to let that happen? I don’t trust Patrick. I don’t know if I ever will trust him.
But I have to try right?
I pat my tummy as I whisper a prayer of thanks.
I will be having another baby. My family is growing. When Noah and I got married we discussed the number of kids we thought would be wise to have. I was content with Suwilanji after we failed to get pregnant. But I know deep down Noah wasn’t. Something about him loving big families since he came from a big family himself. Maybe that’s why he found plumber. For a child. But now I an pregnant. When you least expect it they say. Maybe it is a sign. This baby will make my family stay together and we would make it through the storm.
I should have told Noah what I’ve done. I’ll call him when I leave this place. I’ll call him when I get to the office. When I find out what I need to know.
“Monde Witika. Room four.”
I sit up, pick up my handbag and stand up from the uncomfortable seat in the packed waiting room. I turn to my left and walk through the hallway and see the door marked room four and knock. I don’t hear an answer but I open the door and walk in. I see her sitting behind her desk lookin at me as she always does whenever I come here, today is not different. Her long grey hair is let loose around her face and even though her hair tells you she might be in her sixties her face tells a different story. She looks young, as if she is in her forties. But I know she’s not because she told me once that she has a thirty something year old daughter. I hope I get to look like that when I’m sixty. Youthful and elegant.
“Monde Witika?” She asks
I nod my head and sit down across her.
“How are you feeling?”
“Well that’s the thing Doctor. I kinda feel sick today. I’m hoping it’s not a bug.”
She gets her pain and opens a file on her desk.
“What is wrong?” She asks kindly.
“Well, I had pregnancy home kits and they tested positive for pregnancy.”
“You think there is something else?” She asks as she jolts something in the file.
“Well I’m assuming it’s morning sickness. But then what if I am wrong. And maybe I have a bug. I just want to be safe. For the baby. Blood work check too.”
Including an HIV/AIDS check for my sanity. But I know she will make sure that is done if I am pregnant to make mother to child transmission is limited. If Noah is cheating I might as well protect myself from the diseases out there. And what if it’s already too late? I ask myself. Then that’s it I guess.
“Describe how you have been feeling?” The Doctor asks.
“Well this is my second pregnancy. The first one I would vomit early mornings, couldn’t tolerate certain scents but this time nothing of that sort. I’ve been feeling weird. Tired. Headaches. Just making me feel light headed.”
Besides I also need to start my prenatal appointments. Taking care of myself and all the necessary requirements.”
“Okay. Anything else that’s wrong.”
“That’s about it.” I respond.
“Work. Home life.”
“Nothing. ” I lie
Can She tell I’m lying. She nods her head before she reaches out and rips out some papers from some type of pad.
I just want to know where I stand.
Is that a bad thing. I deserve to know if I am healthy or not. After all I’m not thinking about me anymore. I have a child to think about, for at least seven more months.
And besides if I am negative then it’s safe to say Noah is negative too right?
Or am I in the window period?
I had unprotected sex with my husband last night. Maybe I should have dragged him here with me to get him checked too. And then he would wonder why I wanted him to get a check up; I would have to explain I knew he was cheating on me.
Unnecessary for now.
It’s all white. It’s just simply white. White lace. I should be feeling like crying right now. After all my day is still going downhill. Looking at this is probably the best part of my day.
“You will look absolutely beautiful.” Mum says behind me.
“Just for a day huh?” I ask
“Gemmy that one day will create memories that last forever. You will look beautiful.”
I smile and nod my head. I look at my wedding dress and it absolutely stunning. I made the right choice in choosing this one. And to think I bought it last minute after I found two other dresses. Kachiza will love it, that I know. I’ll make it my evening dress. The church dress will be more bold but this one in front of me is timeless and elegant.
“Kachiza will absolutely love you more.” She adds. “We have to call the planner.”
I zip the dress bag and turn to face my mum who has tears in her eyes.
“Are you okay Mom?” I ask
“You’re getting married. My little girl. Granted you’re twenty-nine.”
“Thirty.” I remind her
She keeps silent as if in deep thought over my answer.
“Twenty-nine.” She clears her throat and continues, “But you’re still my baby. My Kasuli.”
I hug her then, you know one of those fierce big warm hugs and she laughs. She is my favourite person in the word. No one like mom. No one like this strong tough woman who loves Muzinga and I with every breath she takes. What would I do without her?
“I love you Mom.”
“I love you too Gemmy.” She whispers
I let go of her and hold her hand as we walk out of my bedroom and into the hallway. Home sweet home. The silence in the house is deafening but then again mum has always loved silence. And maybe for the first time I might appreciate the silence. The peace. I need it. After the mechanic found out the reason my car failed to start was because of the battery being flat -and whatever he said which I really didn’t pay attention to because I have no interest in cars but then I had to buy the a new battery anyway – I drove home to my mother’s house in makeni. I just felt I wouldn’t get anything done if I kept feeling like bad luck was a friend. I didn’t even call the wedding planner to find out if she had managed to finish the church arrangements. I instead let mum deal with her today. All I wanted was to see my mother. I needed to see her to feel better. Gosh after the morning I had, I needed my mother to help me get over my cold feet or whatever feelings were plaguing me earlier. I told mom about the Samantha incident at the engagement party. I told her everything – my nightmares and feelings about the wedding – and of course she told me to brush them off.
“Gemmy so many things, so many people especially women will try and come between you and your husband. Even before the wedding they will try to separate you two but you have got to be strong.” She had said. “Pray for your relationship. Pray for your marriage. Every day and night. Don’t let one temptation in the form of Samantha ruin the way you feel. Kachiza and you have come a long way. And if Kachiza is tolerating that crazy sad woman then it says more about him. But he loves you. Alot. So trust him. Be his friend. Be his wife. So stop panicking and be calm.”
I looked at her in wonder when she told me those words. My mother who had lost a husband was never the bitter woman. In fact she was the opposite. She was happy. She in fact loved more if that was possible. She still believed in love and she never let what happened to her define her. Granted she had cursed and cried when she had been hurt by my father and the pain was something she carried but managed to get through everyday. She still stood up tall and laughed like she was free. She would talk to my father and be civil if she needed to be. I admired her. She was strong. I hope one day I’ll be as strong as she is.
We walk into the kitchen where we find Ba Maria, mum’s maid by the sink cleaning. Mum talks to Ba Maria about something to cook for supper as I walk to the fridge and get a bottle of white wine. I grab two glasses from the shelf and we walk out and head to the livingroom. I pour her and myself a glass.
“Oh by the way I invited your father to the wedding.” She says as she sits down on her favourite sofa.
Just when I thought my day couldn’t get any worse. It was meant to be. Today was meant to be bad. I sit down, glass of wine in my hand, shocked look on my face looking at her. She smiles at me and shake my head
“Mum!!! When?” I ask
“Why do you want to know?”
“So that I can uninvite him.” I respond. “It’s not too late.”
She takes a sip of wine and cringes at the taste. Mum is not much of a drinker but she’s been trying to get on the wine wagon. I see she’s failing. You do not cringe when you take wine.
“Gemmy he’s your father. He’s coming.” She says
“But mom. I don’t want him there. You know this..”
“Too late. He’s coming. He agreed.”
“Mum. It’s my wedding. You could have told me.” I say still shocked
No honey. It will be okay. You’ll see. It’s a wedding and a father must be there for his child’s wedding at least. You have already banned him from every other thing.”
“Is he bringing Mable the home wrecker?”
That’s her name. Mable the home wrecker. It suits her.
“Your step mother? He said she might make it.”
“She’s not my step mother. She’s a bimbo who broke a home, destroyed a home and broke a family.” I answer
I take a gulp of wine. I can’t believe mum would invite him.
“It was his choice to do all that. Not Mable.” Mum says.
“I don’t want him waking me down the Isle mom.”
“I didn’t ask him to. But I’m sure he’d like to. You’re his daughter. He loves you alot even though you’ve separated yourself from him. He misses you.”
I look at her and I see it then. The light in her eyes when she talks about him. Is that love? Is that what love does to you. Leave you with a light in your eyes when the live of your life is gone leaving you in darkness? Or maybe it’s just residue feelings of the man who fathered her children. I’m not sure.
“What else did you two talk about?” I ask curious
“The usual. You and Muzinga. Nothing more, nothing less. Life.”
What about life. It’s hard. It’s hard for everyone. I take a sip of my wine.
“He also told me about the problems he’s been having with Mable. And how raising a child is harder at sixty. ”
What the hell? Really? Seriously? How could he? You tell your ex wife the issues you’re having with your new wife? You also tell your ex wife who happens to be the mother of your daughters the issues you’re having with the mother of your only son. What the hell did he expect? Getting married to a young lady and having a child at sixty. What a joke dad is.
“Seriously mom.” I tell her
“Look. Just because we are divorced doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.”
“It’s not right.” I argue. “You’re not friends.”
“He is the father of my children. I loved him once.”
“How do you think Mable feels?”
“You’re on her side now?”
“No. But this isn’t good. For you.”
“I tolerate him because of Muzinga and you. That’s it.”
You tolerate too much I think. Way too much. She’s till tolerating the man even if they are divorced. I keep silent and we look at each other. Mother and daughter. I won’t win this even if I sulk. Mom’s word is the law and this is the law even if I disagree with it big time.
“I hate him. I don’t want him waking me down the Isle. Uncle Chris will do it.”
“You have to forgive him. It will hurt you more to keep the pain and anger. Muzinga and I have forgiven him. Besides it’s been years. We are all fine.”
No way, no how will I forgive the man. I might not like him but I can avoid him at the wedding. Him and his home wrecker wife. We keep silent and I see looking at her pouting. Who is the kasuli now?
“Fine.” I say slowly. “Dad can come. With Mable home wrecker.”
“I knew you would agree.” She says happily.
Why is she so happy he’s coming? Oh my gosh. Is she still…..
I take another sip of wine.
My parents are so complicated.
Hey. Hope you’re okay.
Miss you. Call me.
Salome I believe I left my wallet at your place. Pick it up later.
Oh shit. I forgot to call Tawanda again. To be honest it’s not my fault. Okay part of it is. I got to the office late, that’s my fault. And Mukuka tried to get me to the office on time. He tried even though he was the reason I late what with his stay one minute in bed with me sweet talk. I fell for it I admit and I got to the office late. I had to catch up with work: the formal job and the other, my passion – preparing for the upcoming fashion week – I’m not showcasing this time around; I’m simply helping out. Sometimes I forget that’s were my heart lies. In the needles, cotton and materials. I swear being a part time designer is hard all the time. I barely have time for it with my ever busy life. There are days I wish I had simply followed the path I set for myself at university when I studied economics but nope, I had a dream and the dream was fashion and a part time fashion designer I became. Bit by bit. And to be honest I’m trying hard to maintain both jobs as a Senior clerk at EFC and designer but when my job as a clerk fails me, fashion steps in.
Of course the girls told me to resign and focus my attention on the fashion, even Mukuka had suggested the same thing but I disagreed with them because I needed a formal job as a fall back just in case the fashion thing failed. Besides how would I pay for my bills if I didn’t have a formal job? I would balance the two and that’s what I’ll keep doing. Balance the two. The best thing about having friends like mine – benefits included – the fact that they truly support my passion and they stand by me ready to buy my merchandise. Especially Mukuka. The man has been my number one fan for my designs and never misses a show when I get to display my work. He’s gone as far as wearing my designs. That’s why I love him.
Tawanda is just as supportive. He’s stood by me too. Listened to my rants and complaints when a design went wrong. When work gets the best of me and I miss deadlines. He’s been there. And that’s why I don’t want to lose him at all. Tawanda is a good man and maybe I deserve a good boring man in my life for security sake after all marriage is not only about love and sex. It’s more than that. But if there is one thing I’ve realised in life it’s that, it’s hard to date normal, boring or sane if you’ve had exciting, fun, moments with another man. You will always compare.
But what if I’m in love with the wrong man. Mukuka is a friends with benefits. I doubt he will ever see me as more. Maybe if I talk to him. Maybe. But I know the truth deep down my heart.
Why is this so complicated?
I get my phone off my desk and dial his number.
He picks up after a few rings and the moment I hear his voice I feel sad because I know I don’t want to talk to him at all.
“Hey, Salome. Hi.”
“Tawanda. Hey. Hi.”
I keep silent. What am I supposed to say?
“Did you see my missed calls I was worried about you.”
“I’m so sorry I never called back. Busy.” I say quickly
“How’s work? How are the preparations for the fashion thing going?”
“Work is good. Both jobs are okay.”
We keep silent for. It feels like hours already.
“I wanted to check up on you.” I say quickly
“Uhhh yea. Cool. Thanks.”
“Talk to you later.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks
“You seem off.”
“Slept late.” I say
Which is the truth.
“Anyway talk later. Bye.”
I cut the line quickly. At least I called. I tried. That’s better than going silent for two days after he left fifteen missed calls earlier today.
I look at the paper work on my desk and push all thoughts of Tawanda aside. I need to finish all this if I have to take the next two days off. That was the plan with the ladies. To take Thursday and Friday off so we can spend some time together in time for the wedding since we had much to do.
I can think about Tawanda later when I’m free.
Though I can’t kelp but wonder what Mukuka is up to right this moment.
I miss the man.
But does he miss me?
To be continued.