Many thanks to @GracaOfDeus for the picture. Pure awesomeness. I hope you all enjoy the story.
Maybe I should have said no.
Not maybe. I should have said no. Period.
I am weak.
I’m saying this because I know I am weak. He says one word and I fall at his feet, my legs turn to jelly as if I’m not the woman I call strong. That’s the problem with sleeping with your best friend, he literally controls your vagina and everything that connects to it, which is everything. I’m a lost cause. I’m sitting in the passengers seat of Mukuka’s car heading to my place. I can feel the tension and his scent isn’t helping me much; the excitement of us being together in such a small space has me swooning. And the track playing though his speakers isn’t helping things much. This car has memories. Plenty of hot-car-park-can’t-wait memories. Why did I even agree to let him drive me home. Because I wanted him to drive me home that’s why. I even have the answer to my own question. Besides I didn’t have the chance to talk to him what with the dancing and the football game. And by the time I was free to talk it was dinner time and I was with my ladies in the kitchen chatting. So that was ignored. After dinner, way after the game was over, and two bottles of wine were emptied, i realised it was time to head home. Time sure had passed me by. That happens when the ladies and I have stories to catch up on, Monde’s news being the best ever. And it wasn’t as if I lacked trsnsport, on the contrary, Monde was more than willing to make sure I got home safely, but Mukuka wasn’t having it. He wanted to be the one to do it, after all he did it every other day. And to be honest, once Mukuka pitched in that he would do it, I didn’t stop him, after all I wanted him to do it. It would give me a chance to have a simple chat with him. I missed the man after all. And besides I just wanted to make sure he was okay with everything. But that wasn’t the case, what was supposed to an interactive drive turned out by be “I’ll be silent till I get you home safely drive.” The nerve of the man. He outright ignored me for minutes; and even when I tried to talk to him he either gave me “yes or no” answers or didn’t answer me at all. It hurt I won’t lie but being near him made it all better. I want the man. So I’m not gonna give up. Not today. Not tomorrow either.
Mukuka gets me home in under forty minutes, well he’s used to this. Getting me home on time. But I don’t leave his car when he parks his car. Usually I leave the car with him in tow, promised of tangled sheets in the air as he stares at my ass and legs. But tonight it’s different. I do not open the door and wait, no, instead I turn in my seat and look at him. Waiting. For what? Something. Anything.
“Don’t try that with me. ” He says after a minute or so.
“It won’t work.” He continues.
I imagine he has a smile on his face. The light from the outside shows little of his face but more of his hands and chest. I can’t help myself. I admit to staring at him earlier, storing his white shirt, black office pants and loafers to memory. But now his shirt sleeves are all rolled up to his elbows and it’s hot.
“You won’t talk to me?” I ask. “You hate me? You don’t want to be in my life anymore.”
I pout my lips – I know I suck at this but he turns and looks at me. I lean in closer so that he can see my ed lips in a pout. He grunts and I smile.
“Salome, I offered to drop you off so clearly I’m still in your life.”
“It’s not the same.” I tell him. “You always have something to say.”
“Well I was driving.” He responds.
“Come on. Kuka. I know you.” I argue. “You always open the door for me. Walk me to my flat.”
“Yea?” He asks.
I slap his shoulder and he winces. Liar.
“Kuka.” I whine.
“Salome it’s because we are not going to the same bed. That’s why I’m doing this. You know this.”
Ouch. That actually hurts. Heartbreaking. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting him. Who cares who thinks what. This is what I want.
“I miss you. ” I whisper.
He shakes his head and laughs.
“Don’t do this Salome.” He whispers
“Say you miss me. Don’t use that tone of voice. Don’t…”
“You can’t sleep with two men in a space of three nights Salome. Not right.” He says quickly.
That’s what is bothering him. Sharing me? That’s it? Not maybe I’m getting flowers everyday? Or that I get to have home cooked dinners by a man who actually loves me?
“But… That’s so hypocritical. You had a woman over just one day after you saw with Tawanda.” I argue
“What?” I ask him.
“You made a choice.” He starts. “The same morning you were in my bed. Legs open. Remember that. And in the evening you were in his. What the hell are you trying to prove? You trying to make me jealous? And now you say I was with another woman when you know I wasn’t.”
Do I? Maybe. No. But is me sleeping with Tawanda such a bad thing. It’s just sex. I’m happy he’s angry. But that’s all that’s stressing him out. Is that why he went to drink last night. Did he imagine it all. All the moves I have on him going onto Tawanda. The man must hate sharing me then. I could milk this or I could put him out of his misery.
What to choose.
“I didn’t sleep with Tawanda.” I whisper.
I can feel his eyes on me in the dark car. Probably trying to read my face with the little light coming in through the windscreen. I can tell he’s deciding if I am lying to him or not. But then why would I lie? I’ve always been honest with him. From the get go. We should have ended this when I started dating Tawanda but I didn’t want to stop. We didn’t want to stop. We convinced each other we would separate one day but none of us wanted to now. I don’t know his reasons but I know mine. I love Mukuka. There I said it. I love him.
He shifts in his seat, puts his hand on the back of my neck and he pulls me in for a kiss. This is what I live for. His soft lips on mine. His tongue invading my mouth for more. His kisses that maybe shifts my axis if I’m being a romantic. But I feel him, his strength and vulnerability all rolled into one. It’s an overwhelming feeling. I hear him groan and I am elated that the effect I have on him never fades. I feel his lips on my neck, his teeth slightly biting my skin. He bites. Much. It’s effect is instant. I want him right now. To be honest his kisses are panty droppers and he knows it. I don’t even want to go to my flat anymore, the car will do just fine like it always has. I love the man.
I think I hear my phone ringing in the background. The tone is too loud. I know who is calling because that’s the ringtone I gave him.
“Don’t you dare pick up.” Mukuka whispers against my lips.
I wasn’t going to. No. I won’t. I already have what I want for the night in this car. Mukuka moves away from me and reaches out for something by the door. His seat drops back, he lays back, hands on the back of his head; I see him smile at me. I bite my bottom lip and laugh. Minutes go by, or is it seconds, I’m not sure. Decisions, decisions, in the end I slowly make my way onto him. I guess this will be another car park can’t wait moment.
I feel so excited.
I’m so in love with Mukuka.
I hear my phone ring again and I don’t reach out for my bag as I sit astride on his laps. His hands touch my hips and I lean in closer to him. I take a deep breath before I kiss him.
Tawanda can wait.
Shit what the hell am I going to do now?
I’ll think about this when I’m done here. Gosh those lips.
Home sweet home.
I can’t wait to get home.
Just two minutes away. I can’t wait to get into bed and simply sleep it all off. I sing along to the track playing in the car and scold myself for listening to break-up music at this time of night. I drive through the gate of my house and I park my car when my phone rings. I whisper curses as I get my handbag and start to look for my phone. Why do we have big handbags for crying out loud if we lose phones in them everyday. For crying out loud where is the foolish gadget.
Mental note to self : Carry a smaller handbag tomorrow. Lesson learnt i think.
I find my phone and the call cuts. I curse one more time. I notice the missed call notification indicates a private number called me. They will call again. I leave the car and as I am locking the door, my phone rings again. Private number again.
Oh my. My heart beats faster at the sound of his voice. Really. At this time of night?
“Hey. I’m so glad you picked up.”
“What is it? ”
“I just wanted to check up on you and make sure you’re okay. You left so quickly and you didn’t pick up my calls I got worried.”
“I am fine Patrick. No need to worry. I’m alive.” I respond.
“Well that’s great. I was just worried.”
“Don’t. I’ve been managing pretty well without you for a long time.”
Silence. Well that shut him up.
“Are you home?” He asks.
“What do you want?”
“Are you home?”
“Yes or no.” He says
“Yes. What is it?”
“I want to talk to Samuel.”
“That’s between Samuel and I.”
“I am his mother. I have to know. Tell me. Now.”
“Fine. If you insist.” He starts. “I want to tell him his mother has refused to be with me and make us a family. I want him to know I tried though. His mother has a tough skin.”
Son of a…. But I hear him laugh and I shake my head. He got me.
“Very funny. ” I say. “Ha ha.”
“I’m sorry but you are too angry. Calm down. I just want to talk to Samuel and tell him I’m in.”
“He’s asleep. Call him tomorrow. Or I can tell him for you.”
“Come on Chibwe.” He says. “You will ruin the moment.”
“It’s a school night Patrick.”
“Please can I talk to him? I promise I won’t take long.”
“Fine. Hold on. ”
I quickly lock the car and literally run into my house -in my heels, I hate him – heading straight to Samuel’s room. I see him fast asleep on his bed. Should I wake him up now? Why can’t Patrick call tomorrow. Let the kid sleep. Ugh it’s his son. I walk to his bed and kneel on the floor and shake him slightly.
“Samuel. Honey. Wake up.”
He groans and turns on his bed still asleep. This is mean.
“Sam.. Samuel… Daddy is on the phone. He has a surprise for you.”
He opens his eyes instantly. The little bug was pretending to be asleep. Ahhh, the nerve of the child. I laugh at myself for falling for his stunt. I watch him smile and quickly sit up, reaching out for my phone. I hand it over with a look on my face that says he has alot of explaining to do being up at this time of night. He gives me his best smile which reminds me of Patrick; my son is a younger version of Patrick; the boy got a few things from me and I’m not complaining.
“Hey Dad. ” He says happily. ” I’m good……. Miss you too……… School is awesome……… Tell me…….. You’re back!!…… That’s so cool…… Wow.”
I get up and slowly walk out of his bedroom, gonna let them chat to their hearts desire; I can’t bear to force the call to end. I head to the living room to lock the door and then walk to my room afterwards; I can hear Samuel’s excited voice. Father and son bonding. I put my handbag onto my bed and look at the tall mirror near the window. I see a curvy woman in a white shirt and black skinny pants. My hair is a mess down my shoulders as if I was in a fight. My makeup is so out of place. I need to wash my face. I am changing into my pyjamas when Samuel walks into my room. Either I am short or my son is growing taller I think as I notice the top of his head is up to my waist. Tall as his daddy.
“Daddy says he’s in Zambia. That he’s back for good. So cool Mum.”
“So he told me. You can see him often now.” I respond. “Happy?”
He nods his little head happily.
“At least he’s not bringing Nomz here.” Samuel says
“Yea. Nomthuzi. Daddy’s girlfriend. He says she’s not coming here at all.”
“Why?” I ask
Oh my gosh I have stooped so low as to ask my son why his father’s girlfriend won’t be coming to Zambia with him. It’s so sad.
“He didn’t say. But he said she’s decided to be in Swaziland and he will be here. Near to all of us.”
I smile at him. I have no idea why that makes me happy.
“So mum, I will be visiting dad often like you said right?”
Oh oh. Not now.
“Yes.” I respond.
“Even during school days?” He asks.
I knew it would come to this. But I can’t deal with this tonight.
“We shall discuss that tomorrow when I am not so tired. How’s that? ”
“Awesome.” He walks up to me and hands me my phone and hugs me.
“I love you.” I whisper
“I love you too mummy. Goodnight.” He responds and he leaves my room closing the door behind himself.
Joint custody of Samuel. How will it work now that Patrick is staying. Or should I get back with the man for the sake of Samuel? I leave my room, head to the kitchen straight to my refrigerator. I see my bottle of wine the instant I open the fridge. I carry the bottle and a glass to my room; I need this drink more than I need sleep. I sit on the cold floor of my room and open the bottle pouring wine into my glass.
My phone rings and I see a whatsapp message on my screen. Pat-Rickedy. Wow he’s using the name I gave him in university. A little bit too much if you ask me. What is he? Ghost of exes past?
Remember when you used to call me Pat-Rickedy. Awesome name.
Hey. Want you to know that you raised our son right. He is so like you in so many ways. He reminds me of you. You’re an amazing woman. I love him more than life itself. And I love you. Never stopped. We can do this Chibwe. Think about it.
Talk to you tomorrow.
I take a huge gulp of wine.
I need to get drunk.
Memories are just lives lived and remembered.
That’s what they say.
I’m bombarded with memories of my life in this space.
Last night in the flat that made me happy. This flat has a lot of memories to last me a life time. Girl nights. Sleepovers. Parties. Arguments. Love making memories with Kachiza. So many things happened here. I cried in this flat. I danced around naked in this flat. I sang to myself. I sang to Kachiza whenever he came over. Kachiza visited me for the first time in this flat. My girls called this home. And now I have to let it go. I will miss my flat. I love this flat. But I’m moving onto better things. A new home. A new title. A husband. Things are looking up. And I can’t wait. Tomorrow I’ll be back at mums house living with her for three days before I take the first step as a married woman with her own house. I am so excited.
Thank God Kachiza finished moving all the boxes from the house. The house is empty with only a small travel bag for tomorrow’s clothes and my bed which I decided would be moved tomorrow in the afternoon. Kachiza would make sure of it. I walked around the flat earlier when I got back from the rehearsals. And everything came rushing back to me. I was overwhelmed for a second before I appreciated what moving on meant. This was home.
I take a quick shower and I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling. How many nights did I sit up looking at the same ceiling counting planks of wood till I fell asleep. Plenty of times. Countless. And this is my last night to see this ceiling. My phone rings and I quickly answer it knowing who it is.
“Hey Babe.” I say
“About to sleep now?”
“Yes. Just counting stuff. ”
“Thirty-nine planks.” He says
I laugh. He knows. We’ve counted them together.
“I’ll miss this place.” I say slowly.
“I’ll miss it too. Good times there.”
“Well I’ll leave you in your memories. I’ll try to get some work done, make a few calls and then get to sleep.” He says.
“Clients never sleep in the world.”
“Okay. Uhmmm. Work well. And sleep well handsome. When you do.”
“Sleep well too Beautiful. I love you. Remember four more days and we are stuck together forever. Infinity and beyond. Door na door frame. ”
“Four days and counting. ”
“Good night Babe.”
The call cuts and I’m left with my thoughts again. I am staring at the ceiling when the phone rings and I reach out for it with a smile on my face.
Hey. Hope you are good. Wanted to say thank you for inviting me or at least allowing me to stay at your engagement party. Beautiful party. Wishing Kachi and you the very best. We should link some time. Soon. Good night.
There goes memory night. This lady has some guts. How the hell did she even get my number. Juliet. That little twat. I’m not going to respond to this. No I’m so over this. Besides she’s just saying thank you. No harm done. I delete the message. Ignoring her. My phone rings again.
Last message before I start working. I can’t wait to marry you. I’m so happy. I love you Gemima. You are my world.
I smile. He knows just what to say to make me smile.
I love you Kachiza. Too much in fact. I cant wait to wake up next to you everyday. Kisses.
Back to counting planks. It’s definitely going to be a long night.
I’m trying to avoid him and to be honest I have an F for failing to do so.
Noah is still in his good mood and it’s so infectious. I do not want to be as happy as he is but oh my gosh I am happy. I’m literally trying to avoid the man but he won’t let go. As he drove us home, his hand was on my thigh, making his intentions clear. He wanted what I could offer. And the minute he parked his car he decided he couldn’t wait any longer and he kissed me. Not some by the way kiss, no, it was an “I will put a smile on your face tonight kiss.” I had to pull away from him, leave the car and walk into the house before he undressed me in the car. While he locked up – didn’t want to make sure he did it right – I didn’t wait for him by the door. I went to the bedroom and quickly locked myself in the bathroom trying to think of how not to find myself in his arms again. And when Noah came to the bedroom minutes later I listened to him humming to “tonight” by Luther Vandross. Yep he was definitely in the mood. But so was I. Hormones. So I decided to take a bath, a cold bath, and what would normally last me ten to fifteen minutes took me over twenty minutes and I hoped by the time I left the bathroom I would find Noah asleep instead I found him sitting on the edge of the bed wide awake waiting for me. He didn’t need me to say a word. No. So unnecessary. He was already on his feet and in seconds I was on my back, on our marital bed kissing my man.
To say our sex life is boring after six years of marriage would be a lie. Besides, I married Noah right after University. I never had another man besides Noah, my body only knew his body and I loved that I met the love of my life so young; and the fact that he was the one who took my virginity made all this special. So he is special. I usually wondered what it was like to cheat on a man and try another but I never tried it because well why would I need to cheat if I had everything I ever wanted with me.
The man can kiss. It’s impressive that he still gets me hot and bothered enough with the right lip movement. His lips move to my neck as his hands tag on my silk nightie.
“You know I hate this nightie right.” He whispers on my neck.
I hear his phone ring and he mumbles something I don’t quite catch before he moves away from me, gets off the bed and walks to the bathroom. Whoa what the hell just happened. He leaves me to pick up a call in the bathroom. Just as he trying to get me in the mood. What could be so damn important? Who the hell is calling at this time of night? Plumber? Is she telling him she is wearing a lace nightie? Wait do lace nighties even exist? Did I just ruin the moment with my nightie. Well I know how much he hates the nightie but would that be enough to change his mind about the whole thing. Did plumber wear sexier underwear? Did she have nighties that he hated? Or did she sleep naked waiting for him? Easy access? Did she ever disappoint him in bed? Did he find more pleasure with her than with me? Why am I thinking about her? I’m hurt.
I don’t hear him leave the bathroom till I see him standing beside the bed looking down at me.
“Monde. Babe. You okay?”
I sit up and look at him.
“Yes. Are you? Is everything okay?” I ask worriedly.
“I’m awesome.” He says with a smile.
He’s awesome because she called him? Or what?
“Who called? ” I ask
“Ahhh a friend.”
A friend? What friend? Which friend? Who calls at this time of night. Do they know Noah is a married man with a woman who has needs. Besides I know all his friends. He can’t give me a name? What is he hiding from me? He gets on the bed and sits next to me. He reaches for my hand and kisses it.
“What did your friend want?” I ask.
“Information on some contract. How to terminate something.”
“Complicated stuff. Don’t worry. It’s all good. I’m all yours now.” He whispers.
He kisses my shoulder and my body betrays me when I get chills from the simple action.
“Now. How to get that nightie off of you. Lady I have the hots for you.” He says
He faces me and lifts the hem of my nightie up and off of me. And this time he doesn’t rush in to kiss me instead he kisses me slow and gentle like I am some fragile doll; his lips nibbling and sucking as he goes lower. When he reaches my abdomen, he plants a kiss and puts his hands on my tummy.
“Hey ball of cells. Little bun in the oven. Little human in the nest. You better stay in there and grow. Seven more months and we shall meet you. You are already loved. ” He whispers.
My eyes tear up. This is the man that is cheating on me. How is that even possible? He kisses my tummy again and he comes back up and he kisses me.
I don’t need to told twice what is going to happen tonight and I’m all up for it.
This is my marriage and pleasure is the reward.
I call and you tell me we’re done? You can not tell me it’s over. You promised me we would talk about the future and you tell me you are decided. I freaking love you. Pick up. Please pick up.
You can’t do this.
It’s because of her isn’t it. Ba main bae.
You can’t do this.
I deserve better than this.
To be continued…