Something is brewing in the air and it’s not tea. I can sense it. A change is coming. Something that will change the way I see life. I have a secret. I have to share it.
Or maybe I am being paranoid again. The nightmares of death I’ve been having the past three nights are making me paranoid. Probably why I have kept my secret for almost two months now. Fear of the unknown. Or maybe just stress of the unknown. Well I can’t dwell on it now. It’s time to wake up. Rise up and shine like they say. As if it’s that easy. Gosh I need me sexual healing. Today. Now. My body is craving and the crave must be met. I turn on the bed hoping to see the face of a dark brown eyed handsome man with dimples I’ve traced with my tongue for years and boom, nothing. His side of the bed is empty. Where the hell is my husband?
“Noah.” I say aloud.
I am greeted with silence. I curse under my breath and whisper a quick apology to God for it. Well this sucks.
I swear that man leaves earlier each month. What is the time? The bedside clock flashes six-twelve am. That early Noah, I question as if he will somehow answer me telepathically. Didn’t he leave at six-thirty yesterday? There goes an early morning love making session. I feel disappointment. What time did he leave home today? Without kissing me goodbye? I didn’t even hear him leave our bedroom, let alone move off the bed. Was I that tired? I miss him; I miss having his hands on me, caressing me every morning into making love just one more time before we go to work. But that was honeymoon period as they call it; when all is rosy and your partners body makes you feel things you want only them to create. But after six years of marriage I guess the honeymoon period had to end. But gosh I miss him. What do I do with the crave now?
Marriage is not all they say it is. Granted it has some perks but the pain of being alone and untouched is too great. Mama never warned me about this. And why would she? She praised the sanctity of marriage, fights, boredom and all, till my father died four years ago. But my mind can’t stop from wondering if is this how everyone’s marriage goes, from I can’t keep my hands off you, to I want to touch you once a week to baby my hands don’t want to feel your skin anymore because I am so busy with work or the baby is sick and I’m out with the friends. What happened to random date nights? And random car sex? Or shopping for lingerie to surprise your partner? Or even better flirting all day and hurrying up home, undressing so fast that ripping clothes seemed like the sexiest thing ever. Noah and I used to do that. And then take our clothes to the tailor the following week. That was the best part. The passion. And now it’s less passion. So complicated. I sit up and push the bed covers away with force. I need to bath, a cold bath for that matter, dress up and go for work and not think about hands not touching me in places where spiders have found a home. I envy the pens he has to touch everyday at the office and the hands he shakes on a daily basis because they get more action than me. Maybe I should try a romantic date night tomorrow night. Surprise him and bring marriage sexy back into our lives. And tell him my secret, ahh the good news. Oooh that will go well with roasted steak and a glass of wine. Celebrate. Yes. I should do that. Or maybe I should wait till Suwilanji feels better but I know I must tell him my good news.
My thoughts stray to our two year old daughter, Suwilanji, who has been down with a bout of flu for the past six days; a fever and mucus that plagued her the very first day, followed by a cough; but, as at yesterday she was so much better that I could go for work while I left her with my mother. Oh my. I hope the maid is already here because I can’t afford to wait for her today. I have to get work at least before nine am.
I get off the bed and make my way to the bathroom humming to Maxwell’s pretty wings, when I hear a phone ring. Definitely not my phone I think as I notice the lit up screen on the bed headboard. Noah’s phone, I’m certain of it. Though when did he change his ringtone from some classical track to rap? Pretty weird. Then again shouldn’t Noah be at the office by now? But if he left his phone then maybe he will come home to pick it up. Or maybe he is still home.
“Noah.” I say aloud. “Are you here?”
Silence. He probably left it behind, which never happens with Noah. So unlike him. His phone is his life. Probably work deadlines.
I head back to the bed and grab his phone off the headboard. I see private number flash on the screen. Not picking that up. Who knows who it can be. Work obviously. The call cuts and I put the phone back on the headboard. I’ll have to carry this with me when I leave and drop it off at his office; and maybe I can get kisses and who knows what we can “do” on his dark oak wood office table. The perks of marrying a Managing Director. I should start a fire, why start with sticks and matches when I can pour an accelerant on it and start a fire that can’t go down. Gosh when was the last time we had random love making sessions that would lead to him calling my name out loud. I know it was a month ago but I mean a random intense wild love making session. That was nearly two months ago when we came home late from a birthday party drunk, and all we could think about was clothes off and pleasure. That was an epic night. I still get chills when I think about it. It was a special night with special consequences.
I will get him to shout out “Monde” today no matter what. I should wear something sexy to get his attention, lace maybe, he loves all things lace, definitely lace, a black lace skirt, black thong, black lace bra, black lace strapless top and black heels will do just fine I think when I hear a message beep from his phone. I pick up the phone again and I see the message on the screen.
Plumber : Hey, thank you for last night. You are awesome. I hope I see you soon. I miss you. I love you.
“I love waking up next to you.”
I feel his lips on my lower back and I giggle. These are what I call the best mornings, when I wake up next to my best friend, Mukuka, after an amazing night of legs up, moans and groans sessions. Even thinking about it makes me giggle some more. I turn around and see him sitting on the edge of the bed in his boxers smiling at me. He lifts the bedsheet up to my waist exposing my naked body and he kisses my hip. I close my eyes and relish the trailing kisses he keeps giving me down my thigh to my leg. Tall chocolate kissed by the sun skinned man with brown eyes to match, Mukuka is all blessed to the eyes of all women that walk in Lusaka and happen to see him, but only I wake up next to him with his sexy lips and his beautiful dimples and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I feel his teeth scrap my calf and I sit up and he looks at me smiling, his dimples on display, so easy to fall in love with him.
“Hey. Good morning.” I say. “Is that your way of waking me up and getting me in the mood? Because if it is I like it. Don’t stop. Do it again.”
He laughs. “Good Morning.” He says. “Slept okay?”
I know what he means by “slept okay.” All the hours we kept at it and my body has the marks to prove it. A good session well done I know I’ll be glowing for days to come until this happens again. I laugh, we have been at this for over 4 months and I still feel like a nineteen year old as opposed to the 30 years I have lived on this earth. He makes me feel alive every time I’m with him. Besties make the best lovers I swear but only on the bed part and not the relationship part.
I know I shouldn’t be doing this right now, a statement I’ve told myself countless times over the past four months. I should be ending this, but whenever I want to, I somehow find myself in his presence and then in his bed within twenty-four hours. I can’t stop myself from wanting more, but I know this is all he can give me, but I keep hoping that maybe one day. One day. I brush the thought away. So unneeded right now when there is a man kissing my leg.
“Are you with me? Or have you gone to dream land? Slept ok.”
I smile, “Yes. Thank you very much for asking.” I respond. “Too short though.”
“Oh.” He says as he arches his eyebrow. “You want more? You know all you gotta do is say so Salome.”
He says my name like its a sexual word, Salome. Can he say it again? I lean towards him and kiss him. His lips and the fire they ignite in me. Gosh I want more of him and more he will give me at any time. I feel his hand going up my thigh, I wish we could continue this and get our deserved release but I have to go home, get dressed and go to work. I know I will be late but who cares, I got laid by a man with skills. I am totally content and happy. I should leave now and start living the real life. Okay, just one more kiss I tell myself as I wrap my arms around his neck. Okay, two more. Maybe three will do. Will my boss care if I am late? A round would be the best because I feel fired up and ready to go. Do we still have protection? I hear the faint sound of my phone ring, and I let go of him ending the kiss. Could be work I think, as I quickly get off the bed and rush to the corner I threw my bag when I came over. I find my phone easy enough. Shit. Deep breaths and I answer the phone.
“Hey Babe. Good Morning.” The man’s voice on the other side of the line says.
“Tawanda. Hi. Good Morning.” I say pretending to yawn.
“You ok? Still asleep?”
“Yes. Just woke up. Over slept. Slept late. Work pressure. You know how it is.” I say slowly.
“Sorry for disturbing you. Go take a hot bath, have coffee and you’ll feel better.”
“I will go bath right now and I’ll have to take coffee at the office because I’m extremely late.”
I see Mukuka on the bed making faces at me and I want to laugh but I look away instead. I look back at him and stick my tongue out to him.
“What time should I come by to pick you up?”
Wow. I should have left Mukuka’s earlier if I wanted Tawanda to drop me off at work.
“Uhhh don’t worry about it. I’ll find my own way. I’m already late and I don’t want you to be late for work. I’ll call Mukuka or someone to pick me up. Can I call you when I get to work?”
“You sure Mukuka is free at this time? What if he’s already at work? Or if he’s busy with his lady friend?” He asks
Oh, I know he’s free right now. I know he’s with his lady friend right now I think to myself.
“Then I’ll go by bus if Mukuka is busy. Don’t worry.” I say.
Mukuka stands up from the bed and walks towards me, oh no. Not now. He touches my waist and I giggle and I slap his hand away. He feigns shock and blows air on his hand.
“I’m free and not free.” Mukuka whispers in my ear. “We have to decide this soon.”
“Is there someone else with you? You ok?” Tawanda asks.
“Uh huh. I’m alone. Just slapping a fly off my thigh.”
“Naked or half naked?” He asks.
“Tawanda really. Seriously. It’s morning.” I respond.
I feel Mukuka’s hand on my naked ass squeezing it. I smile at him and he smiles back. This is so wrong, it’s a crime. I slap his hand away softly but he doesn’t walk away, instead he stands behind me and wraps his arms around me. Oh my. He’s ready.
“Okay. Anyway. I wanted to check up on you since last night you went MIA.”
“I am so sorry baby. I will make it up to you.” I say quickly. “I gotta go baby. Gotta get ready.” I need to hang up now.
“Okay. I love you. Talk to you later.”
“I love you too.” And I quickly cut the call.
I turn to look at Mukuka. He’s smiling at me. I could have gotten caught and he’s smiling at me if he didn’t do anything wrong. What the hell? This just got complicated.
“The boyfriend is worried about you?” He asks jokingly. “The best friend wants you in his bed right now. What a day!!”
Another day. Another Kwacha. I am already so tired. Mondays are the worst days ever especially if one had an epic weekend. Epic being good friends, drinks – okay maybe lots of drinks, a good smoking session and maybe a great lay or one night stand whatever tickles your fancy. I had an almost epic weekend. What was missing? A good smoke – I quit smoking – and a great lay. The type of lay that makes the weekend worth while and changes the outlook of the whole week. Smiling all week like the sun is all for you. Being single sucks major. I’ve lost my touch, I need me a boyfriend, I need to be loved, I need a man to service me, I am like a car passed the five thousand kilometre limit of use in need of major changes, in short I need to be touched and caressed into submission. I miss it. The whole act of intimacy, being with someone who loves you right in the bed and in front of the world. But I am single and because of that I am also on a celibacy streak. No sex for six months and I just hit the three month mark. An accomplishment I tell you and believe me it’s hard and it gets harder everyday. But I will survive, I’m gonna make it through, just wait and see.
I turn my car into the parking lot of the Bank I work for. I want to go home already and stay in, watch some reality show or crime channels on my sofa but that’s a pipe dream. I am so hangovered that I want to go off alcohol all together- the regrets alcohol brings me never end. I put on my heels and get out of the car. I am extrememly early for work, but that’s me. Ms Never late. Ms Always on time. That’s me.
I close the door to my car when my phone rings. Messages received at this time never come with good news because really, why send a message at this time and not at lunch or in the evening when the day is about to end. I contemplate ignoring it but it could be a client complaining about something that I need to work on. Ignoring it is not advisable. I reach into my handbag and find my phone, humming to Rihanna’s work song.
Hey Chibwe. Hope you good. It’s been a while. Mum told me you are supposed to pick up Samuel tonight, I know schools are opening tomorrow, but I need to talk to you about the visitation arrangements. Face to face. I’ll be coming back today and we can meet up tomorrow and discuss. Patrick.
My heart skips a beat as I read the message again and again. As some sort of trick my heart starts to beat faster. Worry or excitement I can’t decipher which one is stronger. He is coming back? Today?And I have to meet him? Tomorrow? Patrick will be back in Zambia? For how long this time around? And he wants to see me. That’s a first. Why now? Why is he back? Is something wrong? Is he trying to play some sort of mind heart trick on me again? What if he wants to take our son to Swaziland?
What the hell do I do now?
See, messages received in the morning are never good.
I open my eyes and I see the the electronic calendar in front of me and I smile happily. Countdown will soon be over. Just five more days to my big day. Five more days and I’ll be Mrs Gemima Chinyama; I can’t wait to make it official and finally kiss that man whenever I want. I lift my hands up and scream loudly in excitement and roll on my bed like a little girl. I’m getting married, finally, after dating the love of my life Kachiza for two years and a half I was getting married. Till death do us part. I have been waiting for this since I was twenty-four; I had a plan to be married by the time I turned twenty-five but life had other things planned for me. Instead I had to wait for five more years to get engaged and to be honest it was worth it because in those five years I learnt how to face the world and love myself more. And when Kachiza came along he loved me just as I was. It was absolutely perfect. Everything was falling into place.
Gosh I know I need to get out of bed now and head out, before I decide to sleep in because I am so tired. Yesterday I was busy ensuring the church and reception venue got everything in order about the colour scheme and flowers till late in the evening when I had to see my mother and discuss my coming home two days before the wedding. We ended up discussing more stuff than was necessary and I eventually got home at eleven pm and missed my dinner with Kachiza; but as is the best part of dating a gentleman, he understood that I had so much to do. I still have so much to do and so little time. Thank God I don’t have to go to work because I took the week off and as a bonus, my annual leave starts after the wedding so that my honeymoon will go perfectly with no work stress. I am ready for this. I get off the bed and quickly head out of my room towards the kitchen. My house is already packed and the stuff ready to go to my new home. I see the carton boxes filled with my stuff in the livingroom and I make a mental note to remind Kachiza to come over and collect them either today or tomorrow so that by Thursday when I go to my mum’s house for the pre-wedding preparations, I know I will not be comin back here again ever!!!
I get a glass of cold water and head to the bathroom. Time for a shower. I turn the faucet to let the hot water out and head to my bedroom when my phone rings. I know it’s Kachiza as I get my phone from my bed. He always wishes me good morning before he leaves for work, the most romantic man I have ever met in my life and it doesn’t get any better than this.
Hey Baby. 5 more days. Hope you slept ok. I’ll call you in an hour. Love you.
See. Beautiful. I should respond to his message but then I notice four more unread messages.
I think Noah is cheating on me. Call me.
Patrick is back. The SOB is coming back. I’m freaking out. We need to talk.
I need to stop sleeping with Mukuka. I need advice. Call me.
Wow. This early in the morning and drama is already awake and playing games? I’ll deal with this after I bath. A fresh mind is needed for such issues. Ahh I almost to read the fourth messge.
Hey. Tried calling you last night. You ignored me last night when I called out for you at O’Hagans. I saw you with your fiancé, Kachiza. And yes I know what he looks like. So that’s how it’s gonna be now ka. Ignoring your friends too. Lol. Gosh I love the gold dress you had on. Call me soon. And don’t forget to send my wedding invitation card. Later.
Wait. O’Hagans? With Kachiza? Me? Gold dress? Last night?
To be continued….