Bright lights everywhere.
Music so loud my ears ring.
Ever heard the saying drinking is bad? I have. Countless times. I know this saying is true because I have faced the hangovers and black outs that usually come after a night of drinking. Why do I drink?To take my mind off things. Things I want to forget. Simple really. Let’s not dwell on it. It’s already done.
I take a gulp of something. Whiskey? Whatever it is it burns my throat. Seriously I quit looking at my glass because the drinks look the same to me now. I need to have a limit on this alcohol thing. I should know my limits by now but no I simply drink away.
I sit back on the soft sofa type of seat. I hate this seat but it’s the only type of seats they have in this club. Horrible really. I look around and see my 3 girls dancing. They love dancing while I am the sit down and enjoy a drink type of girl. I’m the lady you find in the corner of a bar drinking alone and talking to someone about soccer and which manager deserves the sack. Don’t get me wrong but I just love to talk and learn something new.
Something catches my eye, something is always catching my eye; I see a guy kissing some girl right on the dance floor, is it that hard to simply leave the club if your bodies are in the mood for something private. I’m a jealous lady. I smile. I miss the times I would get a simple kiss, not from a random man of course but from a guy I sort of know maybe without the drama. The kiss that makes you want more, the more I haven’t had in months. Just the thought of kissing makes me feel all giddy inside. I need to dance and forget kisses and more. I take off my heels because there is no way I’m gonna dance in my favourite heels drunk. What if I fall. Which prince will pick me up? Prince Crush maybe.
My crush is in the club tonight. Hmm. How do I know this? I saw him when he walked past our cubicle. How did I recognise him in this dark place? Well I have had my eye on him for months so believe me when I say I’d know him from his back if he gave it to me. Stalker 101. You can’t blame me though I work with the guy and I get to see his awesomeness everyday. Okay only Monday to Friday. So this is a bonus day.
A waitress brings another round of drinks. I see tequila and cringe. I hate tequila but hey I can take it this time around. See bad alcoholic decisions. Where is my limit. Salt, Pour the drink to the back of my throat and a slice of lemon. Yes. I relish the taste. Pure awesome. I order for another round. I wish I carried my pumps now because heels are death traps waiting to break beautiful legs.
I see people everywhere dancing. Bodies touching other bodies or body parts rubbing against other people’s body parts. Weird dances really. Hands finding stupid excuses to grab other people’s bodies. The divas dancing for their drinks while their benefactors watch with pleasure. I laugh to myself. Fascinating.
I start to dance. I hear the music and my body makes the movement, no forcing it, I’m good at this. I love this. Freedom. Just me and the music. Everyone else fades as I close my eyes and simply let go and enjoy the music of the club.I just keep dancing hands in the air like I don’t care, sweat dripping all over my body when I feel someone’s hands on my hips but I ignore them. I want to be alone. I want to forget.
“Hey sexy.” A voice shouts in my ear.
I open my eyes and see his dark face. Some stranger with a body part to please. How did he get past my friends and get to me? Seriously these men keep finding ways to pounce on dancing women. I push him away and continue dancing edging closer to my friends. He touches my hand and I push his away. What a clingy man. Can he leave. He gets the message when I point out the path to the exit of our cubicle as I mouth “get out” to his face; he smiles and leaves.
I grab another glass from the waitress as she brings another and she glares at me. Sue me I’m paying for this stuff after all. I gulp the liquid and place the glass back. I don’t care what she does. I will drink to my heart’s desire. After all I am a paying customer.
I take a seat and take a deep breath. I need water. Or another drink. This is fun. The girls sit and we all look at each other with that knowing look. This night is going to be epic. I swear random plans always made everything better. I move closer to the girls and we make a toast to a night well enjoyed. I look up and see Mr Crush standing by the exit of our cubicle with his friends. Oh My Word. Is this a sign? Am I that drunk I’m imagining things. I don’t wait for an answer. It’s my chance. The alcohol in my system gives me guts as I wear my heels, stand up and walk to him. I touch his shoulder and he turns around.
He looks at my face before his lips break into a smile. I know what he looks like even in the darkish room, I know his dimple is there; his brown eyes taking in my look, his brush cut all neat. He recognizes me. Thank God. It would have been awkward trying to explain the pat on his shoulder. Hmmm. The shame of my life if he had walked away after. He gives me a hug and ohh he smells nice. Really nice. I could just keep my arms around him. Snap out it.
“Hi.” He says, close to my ear of course so that I can hear him and not because he thinks I’m hot.
“Hi.” I answer loudly.
“What are you doing here?” He asks.
“Uhhhhh drinking and dancing. Clubbing like you I guess. Why?” I ask
He smiles at me and shakes his head.
“Didn’t expect to see you.”
“Well here I am.”
He looks at me. Like really looks at me. Not sure what he sees but hey I’m enjoying this because we have never been this close before. Yes this close……
“Who are you here with?”
“My girls.” I say. I touch his shoulder and point them to him. He waves to them and they wave back. “You wanna join us. There is lots of space for you and your guys.”
He looks at the ugly seat. It’s really ugly. I’m being honest, but there is space for all of us to fit with maybe an extra couple I figure. He shrugs and pats his nearest buff buddy to show him the seats. I turn away and walk back to the cubicle and the men follow. Why am I excited? Calm down.
He seats next to me and the waitress comes back to order the new groups drinks while I sip on my whiskey or is brandy.
“To be honest, I thought you didn’t club. You don’t seem like the type.” He says near my ear.
“There is a type?”
“Of course there is. You are the busy silent girl always at her desk working too hard, leaving the office late to go and rest with never enough time to party.”
I smile. So he noticed I work hard and knock off late then. Thats something. It’s progress right?
“Well I play too. Besides it’s a weekend. I had nothing else to do.”
“I think it’s a good thing you are out. I get to see another side of you. The party all dressed up side of you I guess. Don’t get me wrong the serious side is cool too but this is different. I like this. You look beautiful.”
OMG. Did my heart just do a flip flop. Crushes always say the right things sometimes. I feel his hand on my back. Is he resting his hand or is he touching me? Why am I even deciphering this now? Does it matter? Just ignore the hand and talk to him and your girls.
I seat back and relax with his hand on my back. Pure bliss. Epic.
It’s one am. I think I need a smoke. But that would me going outside the club and the crave is really strong when I am drinking. It willl also mean getting my legs off Mr Crush’s thighs. We are high off our connection. I’m a sucker for romance. The guys are still with us. Two of the guys are dancing with two of my girls, the other guy is talking to my friend. All coupled up like it usually happens in clubs. Never really understood how in clubs we always pair up. But hey who cares. It’s all about the fun.
Mr Crush is sipping on his lager while I have my whiskey or is it brandy, I’ll never know. We danced earlier when my favourite songs came up and we stayed close, held hands and talked. Just us two. The night was definitely epic. And I know in a few hours I will be asleep in a bed. Hmmm. Not making promises. Hopefully my bed. And back to normal life as I know it.
“I need some air.” He says. “Wanna join me?”
We are so in sync.
“Sure.” I need that smoke. I tell my friend I’ll be back going out for a smoke. She simply nods, I can tell she’s into Mr Buff dude. Mr Crush holds my hand and we stand up. I follow him through the crowd of people dancing, bumping into them reeking of sweat. His hand suddenly lets go of mine but his hand reaches out for my mine again. I smile. So he wants to make sure he has me near hey. I’m losing it. He wraps his arm around me and we continue walking through the crowd. I lean into him, he is so warm. I have no idea where we are going in this dark place but I let him lead me away.
I feel the cool air of the outside world and I notice ladies walking around in short dresses and high heels to kill leading men away to whatever they do when the time comes.
“This is what I needed.” He says aloud. “Come. Let’s take a walk.”
I need my craving answered but not yet as Mr Crush is leading the way. We head to the car park; cool air feels good on my skin. I relax next to him, he is still holding my hand and I won’t like he’s keeping me stable because all I want to do is lay on the ground.
“Oh by the way. You look beautiful. Did I tell you that?” He asks.
Yes. But please say it again and don’t stop.
“You are always in suits. It’s pretty fascinating to see you in jeans and heels. You busy hiding that body in suits. How unfair.”
I laugh. He’s sweet talking me and it’s working. Say some more stuff. You don’t understand. I’ve been trying to get his attention for months. How? By being all nice, smart etc. And all I needed was to be in a club? I would have been in a club months ago if I had known this bit of information. He stops me when we reach the car park.
“I want to try something out. Don’t scream.” He says with a serious face.
Next thing I am being lifted into his arms.
“What are you doing?” I laugh.
“I had to try it. I’m sorry. I just had to.” He laughs as he puts me down. “Not heavy.”
I sigh with pleasure. Holding onto his hand. We stop beside a black car and he opens the back seat door and helps me in.
“I need to smoke.” I say loudly.
He looks at me and smiles.
“You smoke? You keep surprising me. What else do you do young lady?”
I laugh. So he’s not going to judge me. Thank God. He reaches out into his pocket and removes a box of dunhill and a red lighter. My favourite cigarette. He gives me one and lights it up for me. My crave has been answered. He looks at me in wonder and he gets the lit cigarette from me and takes a puff before he hands it back.
“I don’t do it all the time. Just when I drink. It helps with the alcohol.”
“I’m not gonna judge you.” He says. “I’m actually impressed that you managed to hide this from your workmates. It’s cool. I like it.”
Our eyes meet. It’s like our eyes say what our mouths can’t or won’t say. There is something happening here. We could explore this, whatever this is. And if the stories I heard from the other girls are true who knows. I’m getting ahead of myself. I should live in the moment. Can I live in the moment? Will I be able to live with the consequences? I throw away the cigarette and I know he sees my answer to the same question he has on his mind. He gets in next to me and closes the door. It’s dark in the car; the tinted glasses don’t help much. I feel his hand on my back. Must be his signature move. He kept doing this in the club too. The girls must really fall for this move. Must make them feel wanted. I’m horrible. I won’t lie I feel wanted too.
This is what I wanted right. That low key want. I didn’t know I wanted this till now. Contrary to popular belief not every lady knows she might get some in a random car. Hmmm. But it’s passion right. It just hits you and makes you do crazy things. Or is that alcohol. We sit in silence waiting for something. Well this is awkward. Maybe I should initiate this moment myself. I turn to face him and he kisses me right that instant.
Shouldn’t I be thinking don’t stop. Kiss me more or something in that sort.
I don’t mean to be evil. I like the fact that men can initiate intimate moments. But do you know what would be great? Lips that actually kiss.
His lips move with a tempo of their own. Why are his lips sucking my lips.
He’s too fast and I need to stop this but his hand holds me in place.
He’s groaning. Why? Have I been away from kissing for that long that others have developed a new way of doing it. Fast fast lip and suck. I literally feel nothing. Maybe I’m expecting too much. Maybe if I show him or lead the way.
Then he stops and I look at him.
His hand is on cheek, he’s breathing deep. Why? Really why? He kisses me again and it’s not the alcohol. His lips are something out of this world. He stops again.
I’m disappointed and happy at the same time. Disappointed that my crush sucks at the one thing that would have made this night amazing. Happy that he actually stopped his suck more suck bad lips to let me get some air.
“I could drive us to my place.” He says
With those lips. Hell no. I just want to go back to the club and drink some more. Why? So that I can drown this horrible kiss, kisses as sorrows I want to forget. Oh and to think I had a crush on him for months. And some of the girls at the office told me he had amazing lips. What? What the hell were they smoking? Desperation cigs? Who were they missing? Am I being harsh? No? Maybe? Yes? I don’t care. I need to get out of his car. I need to make up a good lie.
His phone rings then. Yesss. Saved by the phone. He quickly apologizes and picks up the call.
“Hey you….. I’m ok…. I’m out with the boys. I’m in the car. Needed some fresh air. I’m alone. Yep…. I’ll see you tomorrow. Sleep well. Bye.”
Saved by another girl calling him. I’m certain it was another female. Does it matter? Yes it does. He might have kissed me bad but still, didn’t he tell me I should go to his house. Wow. Okay. His signature move again. Oh no Casanova. I’m literally ready to slap his hand away.
“I can’t go to your place. I’m on my periods.” I say quickly.
“Oh. You can stay over and we can cuddle. It’s not always about sex. We can watch a movie. Talk. I have a bottle of wine at home.”
Thank God it’s dark in the car. I roll my eyes. Cuddle? Watch a movie? Talk? Using wine leg opener to tempt me? Is he serious? Why? Not taking chances with Mr Fading Crush here. In the end he will know I’m lying. Nope. I’m staying away.
“Nah.” I say. “I won’t be comfortable. I hope you understand. Maybe next time.” Or never. It’s understandable really. No judging.
I feel his hand touch my shoulder and inch up to my neck. Nooo. Not again. Please no.
“We should go back.” I say loudly.
He groans and opens the door to the car and he steps out. I follow him. Wow. So quickly the mood changes. From carrying me to walk alone you have two legs too. Well I just cracked his ego so I deserve it. He closes the door and we start to walk back to the club. In silence.
Awkward level: 95 and rising
I don’t know what to say to him. I have no words. My mind is still on how his disappointing lips are still stuck to his face. You can’t judge lips to other body parts I tell myself. Maybe….. No. Never happening. I watch him get his phone and look at it. He types something and then smiles. He’s back to his normal self so fast. I’ve been forgotten. Mr bad lips has already forgotten me. I smile as we walk in the club. Why am I smiling? Because I know this bad kiss soul sucking guy will tell the world I’m a horrible kisser tomorrow. The office will know too. That’s if he’s childish. But I think I know him well enough to know he’s not the kiss and tell if his lips are anything to go by. But then again men are men. Forget the bad kisses already.
“We should do this again.” He says near my ear. That voice though. No effect. I’ll let that statement hang.
His hand takes mine. Wow. That’s a shocker. He still wants me? Or is this for show. Maybe he won’t tell the office after all. Maybe I can teach him a kiss or two in the future. No. That’s impossible. I’m lying to myself. I don’t want to do this again. Ever. As we head to our spot in the club I think about his lips again. I need me some tequila. I really need to forget a lot about tonight.
Such disappointing lips. Now he looks ugly.
I sit down next to him and his hand holds mine.
I need a new crush.