I wish I wasn’t here.
I wish I was home in my bed sleeping. Or crying like I do best. But I am here with these two women looking at the man I’m in love with. Ntazana. Why am I both angry and in love with him. I should be slapping him or beating him to a pulp but how can I?
Ntazana is the man who has helped me be the girl I am. He gave me passion that made me fall in love again. He showed me what love looked like. Every time he was with me I fell deeper in love with him. I wish I never met him. I miss his hands on my body. I wish I had stayed away. I want him to kiss me and tell me everything will be okay. I also wish I had stayed away from these crazy women with me. Because of them I’m here looking at him and his pathetic face. Why do I still love him?
I met him at a birthday dinner party of a mutual friend a few months ago. He was captivating from the moment he walked in, late for the dinner. He just stood out and I was captivated by him from sight. And when he found his seat next to mine, we got to talking and I found him fascinating and so much fun to talk to. He was a breath of fresh air that I had needed.
He had this way of getting to you. Like he understood every thing about you. He wanted to know more. And know more he did. We chatted for most of the night. Even after the party was done we stayed in the restaurant drinking and getting to know each other. We talked about everything and nothing under the sun. It was a perfect night. He was also the perfect gentleman.
Of course nothing happened that night. He made sure I got home safely. But he promised to see me the next day. And he kept his promise. He showed up at my flat to see me. We had lunch and we sat in his Audi A5. Believe me I tried to hold it in but it couldn’t be helped. We had this attraction that just needed to be quenched. We ended up getting down and dirty right in his car. The passion was intense. I cried that day. He had my heart. Love at first sight of sorts.
He told me he was recently single. That he had broken up with his girlfriend of over a year and that he had a son with some lady who he barely had words with. The baby problems were dealt with between their parents because he had refused to marry the woman. His honesty was soothing. He was exactly what I needed in a man. He asked me out on a date that same night. That’s how we became a couple. He was amazing. I was spoilt. Gifts and trips name it be ensured I got the best. He made me happy. He made realise my worth. The thing that hurt was he didn’t sleep over at my flat because he had to work and travel and he said he was uncomfortable about my roommate so we simply kept it simple. But he kept in touch everyday. Ntazana was the man of my dreams.
But it was too good to be true right. There is no such good man. What a lie. Daddy had warned me to be careful with men. They all lie. They all cheat. But I didn’t heed those words. I trusted my heart and Ntazana. And when I found out the truth I was devastated. A friend of a friend, Dainess decided to put my world on brake.
I was told Dainess, the loud mouth and liar of Lusaka had the details of any human being in Zambia. If you wanted to know anything about anyone, Dainess was the person to go to. Apparently she worked for ZICTA and could track people through their phone activity but I didn’t think so. My friend told how she bragged about how she knew what most of these people did and with who. But I didn’t argue with my friend about Dainess. All I knew was Dainess was the Queen of Rumour.
I later met Dainess at a social function through my friend. And Dainess and I got to talking about things in general. She seemed like a very funny lady when I met her. So it seemed like the most natural thing for us to connect through social media as well. We got to chatting about relationships and of course I couldn’t help but talk about Ntazana. I was after all proud of my man. He was the best there was. I should have known Dainess would keep the information for a later date because she seemed interested in what I had to say about my prince charming. Too interested. And listen and suck up information she did. At the end of the function we had made a deal to link up again and that was it.
A few weeks later I got a friend request on facebook from Wezi. And when I added her I realised she only found me to tell me news that would slap me back to childhood. She did not come off as rude but she explained why she needed to chat with me as the news was important. She asked me how I knew Ntazana and I was quite angry to be honest.
Some random woman was asking about my boyfriend I wanted to ignore her but then she sent me a picture. In it was her, a little boy and Ntazana himself. They were all smiling. They looked happy. A little perfect family. Wezi went on to add she was his Baby Mama and current girlfriend. My world came to a halt. His current girlfriend? Probably some crazy lady with a crush wanting me to fall for that cheap trick. I blocked her. Ntanzana had warned me about women who would seek to end our relationship. I thought he was paranoid but now I believed him.
I did not tell Ntazana about Wezi. I didn’t want him getting angry or dumping over believing fake stories. The same night I got a phone call from the same crazy lady who told me she got my number through a mutual friend. She proceeded to tell me how she knew Ntazana. She described him in detail and I realised she knew him in some way. She told me we needed to meet in person for dinner at a restaurant so that we could talk about the way forward. I didn’t understand but I agreed to it so that I could tell her to back off in person.
I met her for dinner the following day. I was expecting one woman at the table. Instead I found two. Wezi looked like the talkative kind with her red hair and long black dress and red heels. The other woman looked scary in her black suit. She just kept quiet even after I greeted her. She looked like she wanted to be elsewhere but here. Wezi introduced her as Inonge, Ntazana’s other girlfriend. I didn’t believe it at first. But they provided proof in form of pictures and messages. I couldn’t help it, I started to cry. The man who I loved was cheating. But on who? Wezi went on to add how there was another who Ntazana was with, some girl named Mukandi Musumali. I kept the name for future stalking research.
The ladies, Wezi more than Inonge wanted to know what to do to Ntazana. She went on to explain how she loved the man and had his son and how he promised marriage one day. She wanted Ntazana to pay for his childishness and stupidity. She talked about how he used us for his own pleasure and I sort of agreed with her. I mean he was sleeping with all of us, telling us sweet nothings and going his way. I promised them I would think about it and I left. I just needed my bed.
I found Mukandi easy enough. Pretty little thing with her petite frame, light skin, long weaves. I hated her on sight. Most of her pictures included Ntazana, including the most recent which was last night when he told me he was busy with family. He was with her. I started to scroll back to the days when he claimed he was busy and from Mukandi’s pictures he was with her on some of those days and probably with the others on other days. I broke down. I had been foolishly lied to and used by Ntazana. I was stupid. How did I not see the lies. I cried the whole night. By morning, I had made up my mind. Ntazana had to pay.
Wezi told me to pretend to Ntazana that everything was ok and I did. Or I tried to. It was the most stressful thing I had ever done. Though I only had to do it for a few days because Ntazana had to travel on a trip that very week.
The plan: To see Ntazana the very night he came back so that we could talk to him.
And throughout the trip he called me and Wezi and Inonge probably called Mukandi too but who knew because no one had included her in the plot.
So we all knew when Ntazana came back. He told all of us. I won’t lie I was scared. We all requested to see him in our respective ways. And we all got the same message from him.
Ntazana: I’m sorry babe. Too tired tonight. I need lots of rest. I’ll call you tomorrow morning. Love you.
We got angry. The nerve of that man. I was angry but I cried still. I loved him even though he did this to me. Gosh I am foolish. We went against his stupid message and we met up and drove over to his house. We didn’t care. We were going to confront him and exact discipline. We got there and of course, Wezi being the mother of his child had a key to his gate. I didn’t even know where he stayed because he was always at my flat or we would be in a lodge or hotel or travelling on vacations together. He told me he stayed with his mother but Wezi told me he stayed alone. I am overwhelmed but I hold myself up. I wasn’t going to let the shame in.
Wezi seems angry while Inonge seems to not care because she is too calm. Then again she was a sugar mummy so she had to be calm and mature. But Ntazana. Why would you need a sugar mummy? Wasn’t I enough? I ask myself. What a piece of…. I want to cry again. This was not what I wanted for myself.
We knock on his door and wait. My heart pumping fast in fear. What if it was a lie and I failed. What if Ntazana wasn’t cheating. What if. And when the door opened my heart leaps for joy. But when I see his face I realise Wezi was right.
“We need to talk!! Let us in Ntazana!!” Wezi says aloud.
I just keep quiet. Watching. I want to slap him. He disgusts me. I can’t believe he did this to me. I really don’t care about the other women because to be honest they must have been horrible, for him to find me and use me too.
“Oh I see the other one is here too.” Wezi suddenly says with a smile. “Hi Mukandi.” She says as she waves.
I watch Ntazana’s face sink. I look behind him and I see the very beautuful Mukandi in her usual long ugly weave, white jersey, ripped jeans and heels. I hate her. She gets to see him when he comes back. Why her? What makes her special? And I see why, when I see the dark ring around on her finger. Was she engaged? To Ntazana? I’m so angry. This man. This is too much.
“So Ntazana.” I start. “Should we sit down? We talk. Let’s talk. Or should we stand here and talk. I do not really care.”
I need to hold my tears back. This is too much. I wish I could pull Mukandi’s hair out and leave her bald. I wish she didn’t exist because he picked her to be his wife while I waited at my flat for him to choose me. He used me. He used all of us.
“Did you think you were smart Ntazana. You actually thought you were smart. Well here we are now. All of us. Your precious loves of your life. The ones you promised the world to. Are there any other promises you want to make?” I ask.
Mukandi looks confused. Poor girl. For the first time I feel bad for her. She was in the dark about her precious Ntazana. Anyway she will learn soon. Tonight was the night.
I look at Ntazana. He’s so silent. Why? The idiot. Probably thinking of a way out of this mess. I wish I could take off my heels and beat him but I am not like that. Isn’t that why Ntazana loved me? My need for peace and love was what attracted him to me. Or was it my body?
“Excuse me.. Wezi.” Mukandi says. She has the softest voice. How cute. How foolish. “What are you doing here? Ntazana what’s going on? What’s happening?”
Awwww. How stupid. Who does she think we are. Is she listening to us talk. We just said he’s cheating you are asking stupid questions. What a foolish girl.
“Mukandi. You obviously don’t know a thing do you?” Wezi asks.
“Why don’t you come back tomorrow and you discuss whatever business you have with Ntazana the four of you instead of making so much noise.” Mukandi answers.
No. Leaving you with him. No way. I’ll sleep here if I have to. I deserve that ring. He loves me too. Why should you be the one chosen. I’m not leaving I think.
“Should we tell her?” Inonge asks. Finally she talks. Always the cunning one. “Ntazana. Should we tell her? Besides she’s here too so she has asked right to know.”
“Ntazana what’s going on?” Mukandi asks.
“Ntazana the fool has been caught. He has been dating all of us. All of us.” I answer.
Yes. You deserve too cry too Mukandi. Just like I did. We are all in this. He promised Wezi things, he promised me things, he promised Inonge too. He said I changed him for the better. I made know what love really was. Now he wants to keep silent.
“So. Ntazana. Let’s talk. We are not leaving till we do.” Wezi says. “Mukandi you need to sit down for this. It concerns you too. It concerns all of us in this room.”
Mukandi looks like she will collapse. I feel bad for her in this moment. She didn’t deserve this either. She was just like me. A foolish woman. We were all foolish and tonight Ntazana had to choose one of us or none of us. I wasn’t leaving till he did. He owed me that much.
To be continued……