The Single Chronicles: The Mother

“Stop avoiding the topic. You are thirty. A mother. Why are you single again?”

Because men like you treat women like me like we are scum. But I keep my answer to myself. This is a date and I will live through this hell to the very end.

I’ve been on dates before – when I was in my 20s I remind myself. The dating scene is different when you are in your 30s. Early 30s to be specific. This was my first date since I gave birth to my beautiful daughter 11 months ago; I figured it was time for me to get out there and be social. After all the father of my child was engaged to someone else. What a Pig. Not bitter. Moving on.

I had a list and I tried being social at:

1. Work – don’t mix business with pleasure
2. public outings – weirdos and pervs out there
3. church – hmmm 
4. clubs-never again;

But no man was interesting enough- when did sex become the most important thing in getting to know someone? And if they found out I had a daughter well let’s just say they took a leap of faith away from me. It’s the 21st century. Having a child is allowed. So technically I had given up the search and decided to concentrate on my work life until some random guy decided to DM me on Twitter and we hit it off.

We chatted. He called often and we just seemingly agreed on most things. So when he asked me out I said yes without reservation.

2 hours later I’m still on the date. I look at him and I’m still trying to figure out where my instincts betrayed me. Because he came out like a gentleman on twitter and not some obnoxious ass of a man he is right now who talked about his money, his cars and his work. Cocky much? Looks are deceiving I knew that, but social characters are too. What a mistake and I wish I could leave but I’m still here. Why? Why am I tolerating his his rude tongue? 

6. Twitter

I pick up my fourth glass of red wine – yes fourth don’t judge me – and sip on it when I notice he’s looking at me. Oh he asked me a question. I smile and put my glass down.

“Because I haven’t found the right man.” I answer.

“That’s what you independent-I-don’t-need-a-man women say. The right one. Which right one? Being picky alright. Yet your friends are getting married, being submissive and having kids at the right time.”

Eh. How did we even get to this topic I wonder. Did he just judge me for having a child before marriage?

“There is no right man. Make due with what you have and change him.” He continues.

I laugh. Only men say men can be changed by a woman. From my experience that’s a lie. Only God and the man himself can change a man. Women who believe that saying are in for the shock of their lives.

“Soon you will be saying if a man cheats we should stay in the relationship because I must make due with what I have.” I retort

“Cheating isn’t basis for leaving a man.” He answers.

“Says the man. Of course. Yet if a woman cheats you walk away. You leave. You dictate the rules but don’t follow them yourselves.”

“That’s different. Sharing a woman is disgusting. Besides the older you get the more likely you’ve been around the block.”

The older you get the more likely you’ve been around the block!! I look at him, laughter gone. What is wrong with this man. He is all shades of wrong.

“For example.” He starts. “Look at you. Your life. You are in your thirties. Quite old. You have a child. And you are single plus you have a good job. Finding a man will be hard for you.”

“Why?” I ask curious.

“Because quite frankly you are too old. Don’t take this badly. You are beautiful and that’s why I like you. But we like young and fresh. Why are you single? What happened to your recent boyfriend?”

“He left.” I answer. No bitterness detected. I’m free.

“Because?”

Before I answer he lifts up his hand to stop me.

“Lemme guess. Too independent. Always wanting to be on top. Never willing to be submissive. Too proud because you earn a lot huh. Am I right? Now you too old and you go on twitter looking for a man so that you can be happy right?”

I shrug. To be honest I’m not gonna answer him. He doesn’t need my answers.

“See. You agree with me. I knew it the moment you walked in the restaurant that you were too proud.”

More wine. Sip.

“I swear that’s what’s wrong with women like you.”

Sip

“Pride. Thinking you rule the world. That any man will fall at your feet.”

Sip.
I need another glass.

“It’s sad. Because how many men are you gonna sleep with before you find the right one.”

Sip
Maybe I need a bottle. He is getting on my nerves.

“Like you. You already got a kid but you will still probably get pregnant again because you believe he’s the right one.”

Sip.
If only he knew what was going on in my mind he would run for his dear life.
Sip

I lift my hand up and smile at him. I’ve had it with this judgmental prick.
“I have to go.” I say. “It was a pleasure meeting you.”

I pick up my clutch and stand up.

“You are leaving? See what I said. You can’t even sit through a discussion. Bet you not gonna pay for half the bill.” He says

I look at him and give him my brightest smile.

“Ever wondered why you are single?” I ask him. “You small minded ass of a man whose job is to insult women above his class. You have degraded my choices and insulted me. I am happy with who I am. Deal with it. I don’t owe you an explanation about why I’m single. I thought you were an awesome guy who I would get to know but my word, you are idiotic at best. Damn stupid at worst. Your life might be perfect like you have implied all night but it’s nothing really. So don’t insult my life like you could have done better. I’m single because men like you exist. And besides you are rich, pay the bill yourself.”

I wish I could tell him all that but instead I say.
“Goodnight. Enjoy your evening.”

And I walk away. Leaving him alone. Let him pay the bill or eat it. I walk out of the restaurant and straight to my car. The drive home will be long but I can’t wait to see my daughter.