The Single Chronicles: The Flirt

IMG_0330
pinterest
Too loud… His mouth is ever open. Next!!
 
Too much acne… It’s the truth. But the girl beside him doesn’t mind. Good for him or her. Next!!
 
Too drunk… Hes literally staggering and that’s not my portion. Next!!
 
Oooh there is one handsome…. Oh too married. And his clingy wife is next to him. Next!!
 
I’m being too judgmental; I’ll never find someone at this rate. And to think all I want is a drink or drinks and someone to pay for them. Don’t get me wrong I can afford to pay for my own drinks, after all I work – and I have an awesome job as a Lawyer. So it shouldn’t matter if the guy is loud right? Or pimple faced. Because I’m in it for the drinks. I suck at lying.
 
I walk towards the bar noticing- checking out- the men around. I could pick any guy to be the one to get my drinks but I have rules, you know and standards. Like, I want a drink from a guy so I am willing to talk to him about anything on the planet and if I like what I find in him I might take it a step further and seal the deal if you know what I mean. What I avoid in the quest for a drink is the buy-you-a-drink-means-we-are-now-dating-so-let’s-pick-our-wedding-date type of men.
 
I should be happy right, that such men exist. But I don’t want to have a boyfriend at the moment. Why? The unnecessary fights. Forced calls. Clingy(ness). Cleaning. Washing. Cooking. And to add on top of that list is sleeping with him out of obligation because if you say no he breaks apart. Fragile creatures.
 
I reach the bar signaling the bar man when I notice him. Sitting at the bar, full empty/ half full castle in front of him concentrating on his phone. Quick description, medium height, brush cut, no ring, blue jeans, white shirt, blue sneakers, no woman near him and the seat next to his is empty. Time to work my magic.
 
Rule 1: Notice everything about him and get his attention
 
The bar man comes in front of me and I give him my best smile.
“I would love a…….. a………”
 
Okay here is the thing. I can’t choose what I want right now because I want the man next to me to notice me so I go womanly.
 
“A glass of amarula. Double shot. No Ice.” I say
 
“Do you mind if I seat here?” I ask the man on his phone.
He turns and looks at me. Not handsome but he will do just fine I guess. I notice him checking me out from my face down to my heels. I also notice he likes what he sees because he says
“Sure. I don’t mind.” And he turns away and looks at his phone.
The bar man puts my glass of amarula in front of me and walks away.
 
Rule 2: Get his name and find out if he’s single
 
Whatever he’s looking at seems important but I have no choice. This is the man. I have made up my mind.
You gonna keep looking at your gadget all night?” I ask “Are you working in a bar?”
He turns and smiles. White teeth.
“Something like that. I had an email to send. Guilty of being a workaholic.” He responds.
“Are you kidding me? You should be at the office then, not here taking that crap drink, typing emails. Or home in your library while your wife waits for you.” See what I did there?
He laughs a throaty laugh.
“Okay. Firstly, no wife at home or girlfriend, perks of being me; secondly, Castle is a good drink. Thirdly, are you taking amarula?”
I smile and nod.
“That drink is pathetic.” I know “Tell you what?” He says. “Let’s get the good stuff.”
“If put your phone away, sure.” I answer.
He puts his phone in his pocket and signals the bar man who walks up to us.
“Double shot JD for two and ice.”
 
Yes… My kind of drink. Score. In your face amarula. I’m weird.
 
“Oh by the way I’m Mark.” He says.
 
Rule 3: Give a fake almost true name. Stalkers are real out there.
 
“I am Jacqueline. But my friends call me Jackie.”
He smiles. I don’t look like a Jackie but hey its only for tonight. By 5 am I will be back to my normal self.
 
Rule 4: Be as interesting as possible. I know tonight is gonna be a night to remember. My heart is doing the moonwalk at the moment.
I am about to answer his question when I feel vibration from my clutch. I offer my apologies and walk away to answer the call.
I hear his voice before I say a word. “Hey, been trying to reach you. Your number is always so hard to get through. I wanted to know if you would be able to come this weekend because we need to discuss the way forward with the divorce.”
See. Even ex (not yet) husbands are a problem.
 
Advertisements

39 Comments Add yours

  1. It is always interesting getting into the mind of a woman. I have always felt that notion of men being hunters as extremely flawed. Men are the hunted and this story supports that. Nice.. Oh and it should read “If you put your phone away, sure.” somewhere there, a “you” is missing 🙂

    Like

  2. ferddhie says:

    Lol lol lol you’re wonderful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. vhuvu says:

      Lol. Please explain.

      Like

  3. KayCee says:

    So I’m in love!! Love love your writing! And jealous!! Because I can’t hold a thought long enough to process it into an actual story. Life struggles lol
    This better turn into a book. An actual book!! I’m rooting for it. Ok clearly I do the most but you get my point. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. vhuvu says:

      lol.. Thank you for the compliment. Humbled. An actual book?? whoa. lol. My whole life will go on pause. hahaha. Ive thought about it but eish. its hard enough to create a new chapter on it. i dont know where to start from.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. KayCee says:

        Lol I understood that struggle. I can barely do a chapter myself even though my former professors told me I could write a book. Friends have tried to encourage me too but here I am still struggling to do a one page story lol. But keep up the great writing, we will get a book out of you one day! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. vhuvu says:

          Thank you 🙂

          Like

  4. Lillian says:

    Amaizing as usual Kay!! Now, let me find part two!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. vhuvu says:

      I posted it on fb.. please read it

      Like

  5. Mr Mayor says:

    Was that love at first sight? 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. vhuvu says:

      Hmmm. I don’t know hey. Maybe part 2 will explain. Lol

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Mr Mayor says:

    Aim is not enough, you must hit. This is well writen.

    Good work

    Liked by 1 person

    1. vhuvu says:

      Thank you. 😊

      Like

  7. Mr Mayor says:

    I introduce you to https://becomingthemuse.wordpress.com and meet Beaton.
    If i thought Beaton was a great story teller like the legendary Jeffrey Archer then he has met his match

    Liked by 1 person

    1. vhuvu says:

      I know Beaton. I follow him too. 😊 I love his blog. His match? Me? Lol.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Mr Mayor says:

        Ah nice. Small world. Beaton is just from another world. Now I will toss a coin.

        And my coin has 2 heads. Mind you 😊

        Liked by 2 people

        1. vhuvu says:

          Too Smart. Hahaha

          Like

      2. Beaton says:

        hahahahaha waking up to this thread so he says we are a perfectmatch… 🙂
        what interesting circles we roll in hey ☺☺☻
        ~B

        P.S.

        oooooh and I happen to like Castle we call it Charles Glass after its master blender of all the right notes and drink it from a champagne glass because sophisticated but I am partial to some JD……
        and she is married???? (well until divorced technically you married)

        Liked by 1 person

        1. vhuvu says:

          Lol. And then you say we are a perfect match. New words.

          She is married. It’s complicated. Part two coming up soon. I used to take castle years ago. Beer belly issues. I don’t take whisky at all. The smell makes me sick.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Beaton says:

            semantics L☺L
            it is always complicated….

            Beer belly for what, i run and do crazy five minute routines am beyond ripped am shredded hahahaha maybe you drank bad whiskey perhaps?
            cheers
            ~B

            Liked by 1 person

            1. vhuvu says:

              Lol. I had shivas. I died. Never again. You workout and I don’t.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Beaton says:

                one absolutely must workout lol

                Liked by 1 person

                1. vhuvu says:

                  Never!!! Or maybe when I’m 40 lol

                  Liked by 1 person

                  1. Beaton says:

                    never say never ….. what if a tall dark bae says.. “hey babe wanna workout with me ?”

                    Liked by 1 person

                    1. vhuvu says:

                      Hmmm that’s tricky. To be independent or not. Gotta think about that. Lol

                      Liked by 1 person

  8. Mbwenu!

    Seriously, though! Those twists that you pull at the end!
    Just unbelievable!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. vhuvu says:

      Lol.. It was a good twist hey. Hahaha.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. joymanda says:

    Beautiful writing. I love it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. vhuvu says:

      Awww thank you..

      Liked by 1 person

  10. makupsy says:

    Gosh you write so well!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. vhuvu says:

      Thank you.. I’m humbled by your words. ☺️

      Like

  11. Coming back to read after the gym!!!! 5 minutes to Spin Class lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. vhuvu says:

      You better.. Lol. I’m waiting for your input.

      Like

    2. vhuvu says:

      I’m still waiting for you to read this and give me your thoughts.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Right……so, amazing writing as always but girl, the twists!!!! Please tell us there’s a part 2 and 3 so that we know if she took Mark home and the details LOL. U know what actually, I want this to be a love triangle lol where she Mark falls in love with her then she realizes that she’s still in love with the ex-husband! Hehehe! The drama!!!

        Back to reality……..I don’t necessarily blame her for wanting a man just to pay for drinks and maybe with an added bonus but no relationship! See, relationships are all too hard now and you could literally give everything to someone but only for them to break your heart in the end. I honestly don’t know sha, I want love but I wish it came with a manual! 😦

        Liked by 2 people

        1. vhuvu says:

          Lol. No manual. I’m actually thinking about part 2. Gotta figure out the angle. Lol. Love triangle ka. Hahaha. I’ll try it out… watch this space. This is why I love your comments

          Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s