Last Night: Chronicles of an Alcoholic Pt 2

preg
My name is Chronicle,
I am an alcoholic,
My heart whispers the words,
My mouth shuts them out,
Many beds and bottles later,
Different men,
I stand here,
Looking at my life,
My children see a mother
I see a woman with a horrid present,
The man I call my husband,
Still sleeping next to me day by day
His brown eyes full of love each night
He believes I’m the same woman he married 6 years ago
Or a part of her is still alive
I feel it all,
Guilt,
Satisfaction,
Sympathy,
None of them the respect he deserves,
What I do will never be enough,
I cannot bear to see his face sometimes
His love haunts me,
His kindness makes me angry,
He knows,
I know he knows my sins
And he still takes me to be his wife,
For better or for worse,
I need another drink,
The last bottle is the bushes,
Empty,
Memories on my mind take over,
The drinks,
The hangovers,
The many men I woke up next to,
A constant reminder of my infidelity,
Staggering to bar
Pouring the strongest I have,
I need it.
Even if it leads me to sleep,
The first sip of it,
And I feel as if the earth is on its axis again,
I watch him sit next to me,
His eyes wandering,
Starring,
I know what he wants,
I can do this all over again,
I never stop,
Maybe this will be my last
I feel his hand on my back,
I know this move,
His brown eyes pleading,
Pity,
I push the glass away,
He touches my belly,
My big pregnant belly,
Guilt overwhelms me,
One more drink,
Will make me forget,
That I do not know who the father is.
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2 Comments Add yours

  1. This is so lovely, I could write another poem from it

    Liked by 1 person

    1. vhuvu says:

      Please do. ☺️ I would love to read what you would create from this

      Like

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